Anyone have a piece of fleece?

I'm afraid to even look at the date of my last post. I'm sure it was years ago. Accept my full apologies!

A lot of what has been consuming me lately has been this big crazy college decision part of life. The scholarships. The interviews. The research. The thinking. The letters. The credits. The majors. The programs. The distance from home. The campuses. The admissions counselors. The professors. The students. The food (hey, it's an important factor). The costs. Etc.
It has been a MAJOR source of stress and pure terror for me over the last few months (years?) and yet, I can feel God teaching me things through this process.

One thing that's been sticking out at me lately has been, as a dear friend put it, "The Classic Christian Mistake".

I keep looking for factors that will make this decision easier for me, and one of those was financial aid. I prayed and prayed and prayed and found that my top two schools were basically the same in every respect -- I loved them both and they had so much to offer and both are great choices. And so I thought the only factor left was financial aid; I prayed that God would use scholarships and grants and such to point me in the right direction. And I waited. And I waited. And for a few weeks, it looked like even the monetary awards would be almost exactly the same, leaving me very undecided and unsure of what God was doing.

Then I got a letter in the mail from one school, and the scholarship money was significantly higher than I expected. Woo hoo, happy dance, life is good. This was a sign, I knew it; this was God pointing.
I was thrilled for all of about two hours.

Then the doubt set in.
"I should wait until I get the official statement from the other school. This really isn't a sign. This is just unexpected. What if this isn't really God? What if God hasn't really spoken yet, but I'm just trying to force everything to fit into MY own will instead of His? How do I know this is a sign? This can't be what answered prayers look like..." etc, etc.

The next day, knowing most of this, my friend talked to me about my big mistake. "You made the classic Christian mistake," she said of my doubt. "You prayed and prayed that God would speak to you about this decision through finances. And He did exactly as you asked. And then after you got that, you looked at God and wondered if it was enough." She's so very right; that's EXACTLY what I did!

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this conversation since. How often do we want God to just drop down a sign straight from Heaven to point us in the right direction? But even more interesting, how often does God DO this, but instead of following his sign, we second-guess it and doubt Him and ask for a billboard. THEN we'll be sure. And sometimes God has enough patience to drop us a fairly obvious billboard...and we have the gall to look at him and go, "Could ya just add some flashing lights to it? I'm not sure if this is the sign I need yet...I'm waiting for something more obvious...."

It reminds me of the story of Gideon, which you can also find in Judges 6-7. You gotta love Gideon. He's out in his field threshing wheat, and an ANGEL of the LORD appears.(First sign: There's an angel standing in front of me.) And Gideon says, "Whoa, baby. Are you really an angel? If you are, hang on just one second." Gideon goes inside to prepare an offering and the angel waits, just as he asks. (Second sign: Angel does as he asks and waits with heavenly patience). Then, Gideon comes back out and asks for ANOTHER sign. So the angel touches Gideon's altar offering with his staff and BOOM! instant flames. (Third sign) Ok. So, now, Gideon has an ethereal being standing in front of him who has just made fire appear out of nowhere....pretty obvious, eh? Gideon's still skeptical. He comes up with this elaborate test for God, involving fleece and dew and very specific instructions (Seriously? If this is not an illustration of how patient our God is, then I don't know WHAT is! Because if it was me...I'd be a little peeved at Gideon and I'd been ready to smite the guy.) And God, who has created the heavens and the earth and can do ANYTHING, has the patience and goodwill to accommodate Gideon's silly requests about putting dew on the fleece. (Fourth sign, anyone??) Gideon wakes up the next morning and goes, "Alright! You did exactly what I wanted, God! But...well, just one more thing...." and he goes and asks God for YET ANOTHER sign. And God STILL doesn't smite the guy, but gives him his sign, (Yep, we're up to five signs, now, in a few day's time, if I remember correctly) and thank goodness Gideon finally sees the light and realizes, DUH, this IS God.

And it's so easy for me (us) to roll our eyes at Gideon and wonder how he could possibly still doubt, even when God did exactly what he asked, over and over again.

And yet, here I am doing exactly the same thing.

Thank you, God, for your indescribable patience!

Bad day

Ugh. It's been one of those days. You know the kind I mean, right? First of all, it's Monday. I was awakened much too early this morning by the phone. Naturally, it was a wrong number. I'm out of toothpaste. Even though I got up on time, I was VERY LATE in getting out of the house; the lateness carried over and permeated my entire day. I was stressed out at preschool, trying to do too many things at once and handle too much responsibility. I almost got hit three times driving to the community college for an observation. I had to leave the observation, which I was truly interested in, early in order to get to class on time. I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO CLASS ON TIME, due to construction, two busses (sp?!?!) and two wrong turns. For the first time ever, I had the displeasure of walking in to classs and slinking into my front-row seat while the prof was talking. Nice job, MMSG. Urgh. Doors were locked when they shouldn't have been; I forgot my gloves; I didn't have time to eat anything until just NOW; I almost ran out of gas and spent way too much filling up the tank; computer repair guy was supposed to come fix my keyboard this afternoon and so far, he hasn't even bothered to show up; I have a test on Wednesday which I haven't studied for and I also have a paper due which I haven't even started....

You get the picture. It's just been one of those days. The days that make me hiss at people (yes. I'm totally serious here. Ask the Lil' Bro. He's been on the receiving end of an awful lot of hissing lately. Sorry, Lil Bro!). The days that make me want to throw things. The days that make want to crawl in bed with a long book and say "Heck with you, you big stinky world! I DON'T want to deal with you anymore!"

Sidebar: Heh. As I'm sitting here griping, I'm reminded of a line from Notting Hill (*confession* This is currently one of my FAVORITE MOVIES EVER. Something about it...maybe it's Hugh Grant's [who plays William] adorable accent....just makes me go weak at the knees. I cry every time I watch it. Pathetic, I know...*sigh*)...

Spike: You couldn't help me with an incredibly important decision, now, could you?
William: This isn't important in comparison to, say, the decision over whether or not we should cancel Third World countries' debt, now, is it?
.....
William (to Anna): Can't we just laugh about all this? I mean, seriously, in the hugh sweep of things, this is nothing! This stuff doesn't actually matter!
Spike (to Anna): What he's going to say next is that there are starving children in the Sudan.
William (to Anna): Well, there are! And this is nothing compared to that!

So yeah. I know. I know I know I KNOW!!! So maybe my problems are inconsequential, in the grand scheme of things. And I know that, gosh darn it! I really do!! I really DON'T want to be reminded of it again, thank you very much; I'd much rather wallow in my own self-pity and moan some more. Leave me alone, Hugh. *glares*

And yet. Somehow, after He rolls his eyes and shakes His head, God always reaches down and touches my heart and helps me get myself back on track, and refocus my thoughts and attitude. Today He did so through a song, as He often seems to do with me when I'm in moods like this. And it wasn't a new song. It was a song I've heard a bazillion times in my life; a song that, admittedly, I sometimes grow tired of and change the station when it comes on, looking for something newer or more interesting. But today, it spoke to me in a way I didn't expect.

It was "How Great is Our God" (<-- sung here by Hillsong. This video gave me goosebumps!)

It really just jolted me out of my I'd-really-like-to-pick-up-my-Statistics-textbook-and-chuck-it-at-this-nincompoop-who's-STILL-tailgating-me-cuz-maybe-THAT-would-get-him-off-my-butt thoughts and made me think.

How great IS our God? How incredible is it that we have a God who loves us even when we're not loving Him, when we're not loving life, when we're not loving all the blessings He's given us? How amazing is it that our God will forgive us for our grumpy, selfish, textbook-throwing thoughts and welcome us back with open arms? How wonderful is it to know that even when I'm having a bad day, God is in control? How blessed are we to have a God this great?!

(Funny how on bad days, everyday knowledge often feels like stunning epiphanies [sp?]).

One Life to Love

So...one lesson I've been learning a lot lately is that life is short. As you know, I am workaholic and a perfectionist to boot -- it's SO easy for me to get consumed by making sure every little detail is not only perfect but above and beyond expectations. This translates into doing intense amounts of extra credit homework, doing double assignments, studying and restudying obsessively...you get the idea. And while that's all well and fine, I'm finally starting to learn that there's more to life than striving for perfection.

When I get to Heaven, and Jesus asks me what I've done to further His kingdom, do I really want to be saying, "Well...um...well I DID get all 100's while I was in school! Perfect A's, every single year! And check out all the extra credit points I racked up!" Somehow...I don't He'll be that impressed.

My goal this year has been to shift my focus to the things that really matter in life. Don't worry -- I'm not saying school isn't important. I know that God wants me to work hard and get an education, because He's going to use that to His glory in whatever situations He places me in later on. I'm going to need that. (So even when Algebra seems pointless, I remind myself that somehow, this WILL glorify God, in the end...!). What I AM saying, though, is that priorities are important. I'm learning that sometimes, you have to skip a class to go vist your amazing youth leader Amy, who needs a lift. You might need to skip the extra credit homework assignment because your friend has just called you, sobbing. You might need to give up studying that chapter for the 13th time because your brother's club needs extra volunteers at a bake sale. Life is about loving; above all, we are to glorify God and spread His Word and His Love to all whose lives we can touch.

I'm learning that being so wrapped up in my own goals is selfish. I'm learning that I don't need to worry about the "what ifs" because if I'm following God's will, I know it's all gonna be OK. I'm learning that this is our one chance to spread the joy and life is too short to squander it on things that won't matter.

Will my SAT scores matter 10 years from now? Heck no. Will the fact that I was there to help my best friend out when she needed me matter? Oh, yeah. You bet it will!

When I get to Heaven, will God give a hoot about all the study hours I put in? Maybe. Maybe not. Will He be more concerned with the time I spent serving others, loving others and leading others to Him? Oh yeah, baby.

This song has been influencing my thoughts a lot lately, too.

What I learned at camp:

Miracles happen.

I spent last week at another camp, which is a ministry of our Lutheran synod. The theme of the week was "Cross into the wilderness", about how God leads you through the wilderness -- whether it's a physical, emotional, mental or spiritual wilderness! -- and gives you everything you need to face challenges. Our group went on a four day "overnight". We all got massive hardcore hiking backpacks and were allowed to bring ONE extra shirt, ONE extra pair of shorts, a few pairs of dry socks and a sleeping bag. That's it. No toothbrush, no deoderant, no clean underwear, no pillow, nothing soap-related, etc. We filled our packs with 4 days worth of food, cooking/camping gear and gallons of water and set off. Theoretically, we were supposed to hike about 3 miles a day. We'd spend each night at a different campsite around the perimeter of the camp property (in the midde of the woods, of course).

Well, we got lost. A lot. We'd hike a mile or two only to find we'd been going the wrong way, so we'd have to backtrack to our original starting point (so we'd have hiked about 3 miles already with nothing to show for it) and THEN hike another three or so miles to the actual site. We had no tents, only two supremely large tarps. We'd tie a rope between two trees and throw a tarp across it and stake down the corners to make a tent-like structure, then we'd put the second tarp inside and sleep on top of that. But the ends were open, leaving plenty of room for rain to blow in.

There were no bathrooms, obviously, so we went to the bathroom in the woods. We had one roll of toilet paper which had to last 13 people for 4 days, so the counselors rationed it. And, you weren't supposed to use the TP for peeing -- "That's what leaves are for!" announced our counselors gleefully (we glared at them). This might not be a problem for the guys in the group, but it was slightly more uncomfortable for us girls. THAT was an experience.

Oh yeah, and it rained the entire four days. Not just mere drizzling, mind you; we're talking torrential downpours and thunderstorms and wind whipping it into your face. Now, I LOVE rain. I am a big fan of doing crazy things in the rain (I've gone to outdoor concerts in the middle of a tropical storm, gone boating in a thunderstorm, I go running and/or dancing in the rain fairily often, etc, etc) and for the first three days, I was honestly loving the whole camping in the rain thing. I mean, yeah, within an hour of leaving we had no dry clothes; it wasn't exactly fun to sleep in a drenched sleeping back and wet socks are rather uncomfortable to hike in, but I was still loving it, despite the circumstances....but by day 3 I'd had it. We all had. We were sick of each other, sick of being wet, sick of hiking, sick of being lost, sick of the whole experience. We begged our counselors to let us just go back to camp and skip the last day of the overnight. We were miserable and complaining and rather peeved at each other.

They were adament, though, that we stick it out and not go back to camp; at least, not yet. We could handle one more day, they said. Especially since the theme was about trusting God and doing things you thougth you couldn't do.

We disagreed. Eventually, they compromised. Since we couldn't seem to find our final campsite, they agreed that we'd circle around and stop back at the camp (briefly) so everyone could get some dry clothes. Then, miraculously, my counselor, Kathryn, pulled some strings and got permission for us to stay in a building on the edge of camp property called the Old Lodge. It was old, creaky, leaky, smelly and falling apart, the windows and doors didn't quite close, but it had a roof and four walls and we were thrilled. We hiked out there and for the first time in three days, the idea of being dry was within our grasp. Our moods improved drastically with just that thought alone!

But it gets better. Some other counselors, hearing how miserable we'd all been and how rotten our overnight experience had turned out to be, surprised us. They came out to the Old Lodge with hot chocolate, cake, ice cream and other goodies and had a surprise party for us, which was just so unbelievably sweet and wonderful and unexpected that it made some of us girls (yes, me included!) burst into tears!

Here's my favorite part. Our Bible story for that day was the one about Moses and the Israelites in the desert during the Exodus. (See Exodus 16) They're at the point where they've been wandering for awhile and they're hot and tired and cranky and running out of food and just plain miserable. They're all complaining to Moses that it would be much kinder just to admit defeat and go back, because it was just cruel of him to keep them out there to suffer. So Moses appeals to God on their behalf and God blesses them with manna and quail to keep them going.

I absolutely love the parallel between that story and our own notorious overnight experience. I love how similar they are -- just like the Israelites, we campers were miserable and tired and cranky and fighting with each other and begging our leaders just to admit defeat and take us back. And Kathryn appealed on our behalf and God turned things around so we had a slightly warmer, much drier place to stay for our final night and some excellent "manna" (cake!) and "quail" (ice cream!). In the end, our group, who, just 5 hours earlier had been hating each other, had a great final night of our overnight -- we all stayed up really late, singing and talking and actually bonding instead of fighting, and it was a pretty awesome experience! (I actually think that story would make a pretty good sermon. I'd like to write a sermon about it, if I can find the time.)

I love the fact that this is a real-life example of how the stories of miracles in the Bible are TRUE! I know a lot of people (me included, sometimes!) look at these unbelievable stories of God taking awful situations and working miracles in the Bible on a grand scale, and it can be awfully hard to believe sometimes. We often look for huge, incredible miracles in our own lives, things that copy the Biblical accounts exactly. And if we don't see water turning into wine right before our eyes and lepers being cleansed after going for a swim...if what we see doesn't meet our expectations, we tend to decide that these stories are really nothing more then mere fairy tales -- great stories, but they don't impact our lives.

But I'm sure you've heard stories of people with cancer being MIRACULOUSLY cured (could these be today's lepers?); people without food finding themselves the recipients of some kind of charity or aid...might this be current examples of God working miracles in TODAY'S society?

See, our overnight experience proved to me that miracles DO indeed happen! Sure, bread and birds didn't exactly come raining down from the clouds, but God took a situtaion and performed a miracle. Maybe the problem isn't that there's a lack of Old Testament-scale miracles in today's world -- maybe the problem is that we're expecting to see things exactly as they happened before, rather then looking for miracles in the context of today's society.

Look for a miracle today! Expect a miracle; watch for a miracle; look for God's intervention in your life. You might be surprised :)

Just Because

My very best friend in the world has taught me an awful lot. Lately, though, she has been teaching me about a new phenomenon of hers which she calls, "paying it forward". In other words... doing nice things for other people "just because".

She says, "I am convinced that we could change the world [emphasis mine] if we would all 'pay it forward'. Do something nice for no reason. It puts someone else in a better mood and then they are more likely to do something nice, etc. etc. I love to do nice things just for the sake of happiness. My mom taught me. She didn't teach it, she just does it. And I have seen how people react. And it's powerful."

And she herself is an incredible example of this. We went to a sporting event last weekend, and ahead of us on the stairs was a woman trying to carry a stroller, three bags and a baby in a carrier down the stairs. Most people would have walked right by her, but my best friend stopped and offered to help and we all grabbed some of this womans stuff and helped her downstairs. It was a simple gesture, but this woman really appreciated it. Later, as we were leaving the gym, on her way out, my friend stopped to pick up empty water bottles and litter and threw it all away, so the coaches wouldn't have to deal with it later. Again, another simple gesture -- but it was appreciated. Something she did without even thinking about it. Something that came natural to her.

She is such a great example of someone who serves others just for the sake of serving. Not for any kind of recognition, not to build up her reputation and not to be praised. She doesn't help others only when people are watching, so she can build up her reputation. In fact, she probably doesn't even think anyone is watching her.

But I am. And through watching her example, I've learned a whole lot about serving others. Not for personal glory, but for God's glory. My best friend is living a life that God wants her to lead by serving others with a smiling face and cheerful attitude. She never once complained about how heavy the stroller was or how picking up water bottles made her late when she was in hurry. She is a true example of a servant with a servant's heart.

And because of this, I've found myself looking for opportunities to serve others in unexpected ways. Letting people go ahead of me in the grocery store. Letting someone else have that perfect parking space. Holding doors for total strangers. Even something as simple as just smiling or saying "Have a great day!" has been known to make other people smile.

I've experienced the powerful reactions to "paying it forward" myself. Here is a story that happened to me a few weeks ago while grocery shopping... (as told to my very best friend in the entire world):

I really do love grocery shopping... So I guess I was smiling a lot, and I was also singing preschool songs softly since we did a lot of music today, they were all stuck in my head. And I saw three preschool families there, at the grocery store, and was happy to have the chance to talk to them, so I guess I was rather cheery.

I kept seeing this Lady in the Blue Coat (for lack of any better way to describe her); somehow she was always in the same aisle as me, so I guess I probably kept smiling at her. I honestly don't remember, it was just instinct.

So anyway, I'm in line, in the express line, because my I-just-need-cat-food run had turned into a 9-item run. So I'm in the express line and behind me comes this young-ish woman trying to balance an infant carrier (with an adorable little girl inside!) in one arm and a single containter of baby food, a set of plastic bowls and a diaper bag in the other.

So I said, "Would you like to go in front of me?" No big deal. But her eyes got wide and she started saying, "Oh, yes, that would be wonderful; oh, thank you! Oh, this is so nice of you! Oh, I really appreciate this, thank you!" and on and on... So she moves up and now, behind me, is none other then the Lady in the Blue Coat... and I felt like she was watching me, but I figured I was being paranoid.

So I kept chatting with the young lady with the baby as the cashier rang up her stuff and said goodbye to her (she was still thanking me!) and then I bagged my groceries and paid for them and said Thank You to the cashier and wished her a nice day and was on my way.

And then, as I was walking out to the car, the Lady in the Blue Coat who had been behind me came running to catch up to me. "Excuse me, excuse me!" she said. I stopped and she said, "I just wanted to say...well, that was really nice, what you did in there." I must have looked puzzled, because she continued, "Letting that woman go ahead of you. That was so nice! And you yourself...I kept seeing you in that store and you just kept smiling. And it was so refreshing, because I think you were the only person in that store who WAS smiling! And you were so polite and sweet to the cashier! It's just good to know there are still some good, nice, college students out there."

I thanked her and replied that actually, I was still only in high school. She looked utterly shocked. I can't think of any other way to describe it! And then she said, 'Oh...well...wow! That's even more amazing, then! Thank you for putting me in a good mood!" And then she left.

It was pretty cool!! I mean, all of those things just came so natrual to me; I did them...smiling, singing, saying thank you, letting that young woman go ahead of me...without even thinking. It's just who I am, I guess, but it was interesting that it affected this Lady in the Blue Coat so much.

We are God's ambassadors, here to live by example and do God's work. We don't always have to be traveling overseas and making all the little nations get along or ending world hunger in order to do His work. Living a Christian life can start by just being an ambassador of God's love. Showing kindness and compassion to others in small ways. You might not feel likeyouy're making a difference in the world, but to that one person, you might be making a world of difference.

Just like my best friend, who didn't think anyone was watching her actions... I was. And I am learning from watching her. Who knows how many people will be watching you, and learning from you? Who knows how many lives you can change?

I challenge you to look for opportunities to "pay it forward". To do something nice for someone else, "just because". Let's see if we can change the world.