Savior, please

So, as you may have gathered from the last post, it's been an incredibly overwhelming weekend. Wonderful, certainly; there's been some amazing moments. But overwhelming for sure. Today I had a chance to spend some time with Very Best Friend in the Whole Entire Galaxy, and oh, how I needed that! Without fail, every moment I spend with her, whether it's curled up on the sofa watching a movie or in the middle of a noisy, smelly gym, she just refreshes my soul.

It's funny. All weekend as I was doing everything for everyone I kept telling myself, "You're fine! You're going to love this! It'll be great!". And I thought I was doing a pretty good job keeping up the act, you know? The I'm-not-tired, I-really-do-want-to-be-here, life-is-good act. I'm sure you're all familiar with it.

And this is why she is my Very Best Friend in the Whole Entire Galaxy. Because my "act" didn't fool her for a nanosecond. She knew something was wrong and she even guessed most of the stuff that was upsetting me before I even said one word. So after somewhat of a meltdown, I was feeling marginally better about life, but she helped me realize that a big part of my problem is a lack of faith. I'm in a scary transitional time of my life right now, and faith is more vital than ever before if I have any hope of navigating this. And yet, why is it that in the moments when you most need your faith, it's easiest to forget about the concept of "trust"? Why is it so easy to lose sight of God in the moments when you should be most focused on him?

As I drove home, I was praying that God would take my angry, scared, doubtful heart and replace with the peace and faith and trust I was so desperately in need of. And this song came on the radio, and I know it was the answer to my prayer:

Savior, Please by Josh Wilson


Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

And though it might sound completely corny, these words just spoke to my heart, echoing all the words Very Best Friend had said earlier, and it was an amazing experience.
Oh, the goosebumps and the tears!

Anyway, I just pray that if you're in this place right now -- this overwhelming, trying so hard to measure up and be all things to all people and prove things to the world, that this song will encourage you and bring peace to you.

The Greatest Christmas Present Ever

Wow! As you have probably already guessed from my ever-so-creative title, this year I was blessed with the world's most incredibly awesome, sweet, touching, loving, amazing Christmas present EVER (topped only by the Most Amazing Birthday Present Ever, which was the guardian angel bracelet Very Best Friend in the Whole Entire Galaxy gave me back on the birthday of 2007).

Like all great, presents, it was a total and complete surprise. Months ago, I was having a conversation with one of the teachers at my preschool about my personal collection of library books. Now, let me just insert that every teacher I've ever met has their own personal stash of kids' books; books that are their own favorites, books to supplement the typical classroom library with or books that are special to them in some other way. And, at the time, my personal picture book library included a whopping 2 books.

Well, time went by and I totally forgot about this conversation. Unbeknownst to me, however, this teacher sent out a letter to the 50+ families at the preschool, asking that, this Christmas, they give me a copy of their child's favorite picture book.

I had positively no clue this was going on, but for over a month the teachers, parents and kids sneaked around, whispering to each other and picking out books and hiding them all throughout the school. Possibly the most amazing part of this whole event was that every single child kept it a secret!!

Then, on the day of our Christmas parties, when the fellowship hall was packed, the teachers presented me with a GIANT SACK full of picture books, as well as a bundle of gift cards to Barnes & Noble to buy even MORE books! I was totally, totally blown away (there were tears and shrieks!) and, quite honestly, still am when I think about it!

Theses amazing families and teachers were so very generous, and I received a total of 42 incredible books. Many of them have sweet, beautiful messages written on the insides and even the handprints and signatures of the children who picked them out.

God never ceases to amaze me. It's funny, because just when I start to question if teaching is really my purpose in life; if this is really what He's calling me to do, He goes and answers my unasked questions in a BIG way. I mean, if I was looking for affirmation that teaching is my call, I certainly got it!!