Bad day

Ugh. It's been one of those days. You know the kind I mean, right? First of all, it's Monday. I was awakened much too early this morning by the phone. Naturally, it was a wrong number. I'm out of toothpaste. Even though I got up on time, I was VERY LATE in getting out of the house; the lateness carried over and permeated my entire day. I was stressed out at preschool, trying to do too many things at once and handle too much responsibility. I almost got hit three times driving to the community college for an observation. I had to leave the observation, which I was truly interested in, early in order to get to class on time. I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO CLASS ON TIME, due to construction, two busses (sp?!?!) and two wrong turns. For the first time ever, I had the displeasure of walking in to classs and slinking into my front-row seat while the prof was talking. Nice job, MMSG. Urgh. Doors were locked when they shouldn't have been; I forgot my gloves; I didn't have time to eat anything until just NOW; I almost ran out of gas and spent way too much filling up the tank; computer repair guy was supposed to come fix my keyboard this afternoon and so far, he hasn't even bothered to show up; I have a test on Wednesday which I haven't studied for and I also have a paper due which I haven't even started....

You get the picture. It's just been one of those days. The days that make me hiss at people (yes. I'm totally serious here. Ask the Lil' Bro. He's been on the receiving end of an awful lot of hissing lately. Sorry, Lil Bro!). The days that make me want to throw things. The days that make want to crawl in bed with a long book and say "Heck with you, you big stinky world! I DON'T want to deal with you anymore!"

Sidebar: Heh. As I'm sitting here griping, I'm reminded of a line from Notting Hill (*confession* This is currently one of my FAVORITE MOVIES EVER. Something about it...maybe it's Hugh Grant's [who plays William] adorable accent....just makes me go weak at the knees. I cry every time I watch it. Pathetic, I know...*sigh*)...

Spike: You couldn't help me with an incredibly important decision, now, could you?
William: This isn't important in comparison to, say, the decision over whether or not we should cancel Third World countries' debt, now, is it?
.....
William (to Anna): Can't we just laugh about all this? I mean, seriously, in the hugh sweep of things, this is nothing! This stuff doesn't actually matter!
Spike (to Anna): What he's going to say next is that there are starving children in the Sudan.
William (to Anna): Well, there are! And this is nothing compared to that!

So yeah. I know. I know I know I KNOW!!! So maybe my problems are inconsequential, in the grand scheme of things. And I know that, gosh darn it! I really do!! I really DON'T want to be reminded of it again, thank you very much; I'd much rather wallow in my own self-pity and moan some more. Leave me alone, Hugh. *glares*

And yet. Somehow, after He rolls his eyes and shakes His head, God always reaches down and touches my heart and helps me get myself back on track, and refocus my thoughts and attitude. Today He did so through a song, as He often seems to do with me when I'm in moods like this. And it wasn't a new song. It was a song I've heard a bazillion times in my life; a song that, admittedly, I sometimes grow tired of and change the station when it comes on, looking for something newer or more interesting. But today, it spoke to me in a way I didn't expect.

It was "How Great is Our God" (<-- sung here by Hillsong. This video gave me goosebumps!)

It really just jolted me out of my I'd-really-like-to-pick-up-my-Statistics-textbook-and-chuck-it-at-this-nincompoop-who's-STILL-tailgating-me-cuz-maybe-THAT-would-get-him-off-my-butt thoughts and made me think.

How great IS our God? How incredible is it that we have a God who loves us even when we're not loving Him, when we're not loving life, when we're not loving all the blessings He's given us? How amazing is it that our God will forgive us for our grumpy, selfish, textbook-throwing thoughts and welcome us back with open arms? How wonderful is it to know that even when I'm having a bad day, God is in control? How blessed are we to have a God this great?!

(Funny how on bad days, everyday knowledge often feels like stunning epiphanies [sp?]).

Poetry Series: Week 8

After writing the previous post, I'm in a miracle-y sort of mood :)

Ordinary Miracles
by Erica Jong

Spring, rainbows,
ordinary miracles
about which
nothing new can be said.

The stars on a clear night
of a New England winter;
the soft air of the islands
along the old
Spanish Main;
pirate gold shining
in the palm;
the odor of roses
to the lover's nose. . .

There is no more poetry
to be written
of these things.
The rainbow's sudden revelation--
behold!
The cliché is true!
What can one say
but that?

So too
with you, little heart,
little miracle,

but you are
no less miracle
for being ordinary.

[This last stanza is my favorite!]

Miracles by Robert William Service

Each time that I switch on the light
A Miracle it seems to me
That I should rediscover sight
And banish dark so utterly.
One moment I am bleakly blind,
The next--exultant life I find.

Below the sable of the sky
My eyelids double darkness make.
Sleep is divine, yet oh how I
Am glad with wonder to awake!
To welcome, glimmery and wan
The mighty Miracle of Dawn.

For I've mad moments when I seem,
With all the marvel of a child,
To dwell within a world of dream,
To sober fact unreconciled.
Each simple act has struck me thus--
Incredibly miraculous.

When everything I see and do
So magical can seem to me,
How vain it is to seek the True,
The riddle of Reality . . .
So let me with joy lyrical
Proclaim all Life a Miracle!

What I learned at camp:

Miracles happen.

I spent last week at another camp, which is a ministry of our Lutheran synod. The theme of the week was "Cross into the wilderness", about how God leads you through the wilderness -- whether it's a physical, emotional, mental or spiritual wilderness! -- and gives you everything you need to face challenges. Our group went on a four day "overnight". We all got massive hardcore hiking backpacks and were allowed to bring ONE extra shirt, ONE extra pair of shorts, a few pairs of dry socks and a sleeping bag. That's it. No toothbrush, no deoderant, no clean underwear, no pillow, nothing soap-related, etc. We filled our packs with 4 days worth of food, cooking/camping gear and gallons of water and set off. Theoretically, we were supposed to hike about 3 miles a day. We'd spend each night at a different campsite around the perimeter of the camp property (in the midde of the woods, of course).

Well, we got lost. A lot. We'd hike a mile or two only to find we'd been going the wrong way, so we'd have to backtrack to our original starting point (so we'd have hiked about 3 miles already with nothing to show for it) and THEN hike another three or so miles to the actual site. We had no tents, only two supremely large tarps. We'd tie a rope between two trees and throw a tarp across it and stake down the corners to make a tent-like structure, then we'd put the second tarp inside and sleep on top of that. But the ends were open, leaving plenty of room for rain to blow in.

There were no bathrooms, obviously, so we went to the bathroom in the woods. We had one roll of toilet paper which had to last 13 people for 4 days, so the counselors rationed it. And, you weren't supposed to use the TP for peeing -- "That's what leaves are for!" announced our counselors gleefully (we glared at them). This might not be a problem for the guys in the group, but it was slightly more uncomfortable for us girls. THAT was an experience.

Oh yeah, and it rained the entire four days. Not just mere drizzling, mind you; we're talking torrential downpours and thunderstorms and wind whipping it into your face. Now, I LOVE rain. I am a big fan of doing crazy things in the rain (I've gone to outdoor concerts in the middle of a tropical storm, gone boating in a thunderstorm, I go running and/or dancing in the rain fairily often, etc, etc) and for the first three days, I was honestly loving the whole camping in the rain thing. I mean, yeah, within an hour of leaving we had no dry clothes; it wasn't exactly fun to sleep in a drenched sleeping back and wet socks are rather uncomfortable to hike in, but I was still loving it, despite the circumstances....but by day 3 I'd had it. We all had. We were sick of each other, sick of being wet, sick of hiking, sick of being lost, sick of the whole experience. We begged our counselors to let us just go back to camp and skip the last day of the overnight. We were miserable and complaining and rather peeved at each other.

They were adament, though, that we stick it out and not go back to camp; at least, not yet. We could handle one more day, they said. Especially since the theme was about trusting God and doing things you thougth you couldn't do.

We disagreed. Eventually, they compromised. Since we couldn't seem to find our final campsite, they agreed that we'd circle around and stop back at the camp (briefly) so everyone could get some dry clothes. Then, miraculously, my counselor, Kathryn, pulled some strings and got permission for us to stay in a building on the edge of camp property called the Old Lodge. It was old, creaky, leaky, smelly and falling apart, the windows and doors didn't quite close, but it had a roof and four walls and we were thrilled. We hiked out there and for the first time in three days, the idea of being dry was within our grasp. Our moods improved drastically with just that thought alone!

But it gets better. Some other counselors, hearing how miserable we'd all been and how rotten our overnight experience had turned out to be, surprised us. They came out to the Old Lodge with hot chocolate, cake, ice cream and other goodies and had a surprise party for us, which was just so unbelievably sweet and wonderful and unexpected that it made some of us girls (yes, me included!) burst into tears!

Here's my favorite part. Our Bible story for that day was the one about Moses and the Israelites in the desert during the Exodus. (See Exodus 16) They're at the point where they've been wandering for awhile and they're hot and tired and cranky and running out of food and just plain miserable. They're all complaining to Moses that it would be much kinder just to admit defeat and go back, because it was just cruel of him to keep them out there to suffer. So Moses appeals to God on their behalf and God blesses them with manna and quail to keep them going.

I absolutely love the parallel between that story and our own notorious overnight experience. I love how similar they are -- just like the Israelites, we campers were miserable and tired and cranky and fighting with each other and begging our leaders just to admit defeat and take us back. And Kathryn appealed on our behalf and God turned things around so we had a slightly warmer, much drier place to stay for our final night and some excellent "manna" (cake!) and "quail" (ice cream!). In the end, our group, who, just 5 hours earlier had been hating each other, had a great final night of our overnight -- we all stayed up really late, singing and talking and actually bonding instead of fighting, and it was a pretty awesome experience! (I actually think that story would make a pretty good sermon. I'd like to write a sermon about it, if I can find the time.)

I love the fact that this is a real-life example of how the stories of miracles in the Bible are TRUE! I know a lot of people (me included, sometimes!) look at these unbelievable stories of God taking awful situations and working miracles in the Bible on a grand scale, and it can be awfully hard to believe sometimes. We often look for huge, incredible miracles in our own lives, things that copy the Biblical accounts exactly. And if we don't see water turning into wine right before our eyes and lepers being cleansed after going for a swim...if what we see doesn't meet our expectations, we tend to decide that these stories are really nothing more then mere fairy tales -- great stories, but they don't impact our lives.

But I'm sure you've heard stories of people with cancer being MIRACULOUSLY cured (could these be today's lepers?); people without food finding themselves the recipients of some kind of charity or aid...might this be current examples of God working miracles in TODAY'S society?

See, our overnight experience proved to me that miracles DO indeed happen! Sure, bread and birds didn't exactly come raining down from the clouds, but God took a situtaion and performed a miracle. Maybe the problem isn't that there's a lack of Old Testament-scale miracles in today's world -- maybe the problem is that we're expecting to see things exactly as they happened before, rather then looking for miracles in the context of today's society.

Look for a miracle today! Expect a miracle; watch for a miracle; look for God's intervention in your life. You might be surprised :)

Poetry Series: Week 7

(Yes, I know, I skipped a week of the poetry series while I was gone. Oh, well.)

I have always loved this poem. Something about the sound and the flow of the words just appealed to me; I like how it moves quickly and...bouncily, or something. I don't know enough about rhythm or meter or any of that fun stuff to try and explain how or why this poem works, but if someone who does know more about it would like to share, go for it!
All I know is I like the sound :)

We are playing host to four kittens for the next few weeks, just temporarily. Trying to name four kittens was an interesting job; eventually we settled on Heckle, Jekyll (the boys), Molly, and Ophelia (the girls). It's kind of an amusing concept, this naming of cats, because it's not as though any one of them will ever answer to their name, like a dog. They've got too much pride, independence and attitude for that! And yet we crazy humans do it anyway......!

The Naming of Cats
by T.S. Eliot

The naming of cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter
When I tell you a cat must have three
different names.

First of all, there's the name
that the family use daily,
Such as Victor, or Jonathan,
George or Bill Bailey--
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names
if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen,
some for the dames;
Such as Plato, Admetus,
Electra, Demeter--
But all of them sensible everyday names.

But I tell you,
a cat needs a name that's particular,
A name that is peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he
keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers,
or cherish his pride?

Of names of this kind,
I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quazo or Coripat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellyrum--
Names that never belong
to more than one cat.

But above and beyond
there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you will never guess;
The name
that no human research can discover--
But The Cat Himself Knows,
and will never confess.

When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought,
of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular
Name.

Bad Moods and Why I’m No Longer In One

I’ve been rather grumpy lately, for a variety of reasons. Yesterday I was freakishly crabby for a good portion of the day. Now, sometimes I can get myself out of those funks just by refusing to succomb to them -- “I am NOT going to be in a bad mood today!!!”. But usually I can’t. Yesterday I couldn’t. I spent the majority of the day denying the fact that I was in a bad mood but snapping at everyone who came near me and glaring at everyone who didn’t.
Finally, I admitted to myself that I was in a bad mood and needed to do something about it. So I did one of the two things that nearly always makes me happy.

Running. Yes, I know there are plenty of biological reasons that this works -- endorphins are lovely things, after all, and it’s a great stress-reliever and all that. But I also love running because it gets me out of the house; lets me be alone to mutter and grumble and glare all I want and gives me an opportunity to push myself hard -- and be proud of the results. And it’s hard to be in a bad mood when you’re proud of yourself!
As I result, I was back to my insanely perky and happy self last night.

Today, for a bunch of similar reasons, I was back in a bad mood (it’s rather exhausting being a teenager, isn’t it?!) Because I don’t have the time or energy to run again today, much as I’d like to, I turned to the second thing that nearly always makes me happy.

Music.
What’s on my playlist, you ask?

MMSG’s Top Five Songs to Listen To When You’re In A Bad Mood:

1. It’s the End of the World as We Know It -- R.E.M. I was introduced to this song while babysitting one night, actually. I very dramatically announced for some reason, “it’s the end of the world as we know it!!” and all three kids burst into the refrain of this song. By the end of that night, I knew it quite well. It’s one of those wonderfully cynical and pessimistic songs that is great to listen to when you’re mad at the world.

2. Falling Inside the Black -- Skillet. You’ve got to love the loudness, intensity and overly-dramatic ness of this song. Ooh, it’s positively chilling. While we’re on the subject, many of Skillet’s songs fit this description; other favorites include Whispers in the Dark and Rebirthing.

3. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) -- Green Day. I’m not a huge Green Day fan at all, but for some totally inexplicable reason this song appeals to me. I have no idea why, because it’s so monotonous and depressing, and yet, sometimes that’s exactly what I listen to when in the midst of whatever drama I’m going through, and it cheers me up. Don’t know why. But it does. I’m teaching myself to play it on the guitar.

4. Me Against the World -- Superchic[k]. Ok, so this song might not exactly have the same appeal if you’re a guy, but still. How can you argue with the line, “They said don’t try to change the world, you’re just a girl; so it’s me against the world today….”. I love the feeling of determination in this song!

5. Life is Good -- Stellar Kart. As hard as I try, I absolutely cannot be in a bad mood if I hear this song. It’s much too happy and exciting and wonderful; but not in an overly-optimistic gaggy way; more like just in a, “Ok, maybe-the-world’s-really-not-coming-to-an-end-today” kind of way.

(And! Since I’m now in such a good mood and feeling so incredibly generous, a bonus song!)
6. Bethlehemian Rhapsody -- Apologetix. I LOVE Apologetix’s parodies; they absolutely crack me up!! While all of their songs are ingenious and hysterical, this one happens to be my favorite. I think there are two versions of it out there, though, for some reason. I like the David and Goliath version best, if that makes any sense. And again, it's hard to be crabby when you're laughing hysterically.

Blinded by the light...

My brother has been walking around the house for the past two days, randomly bursting into choruses of the song, "Blinded by the Light". I'm really not sure why, quite frankly. I didn't even know he liked that song. In fact, I didn't even know he knew that song existed, let alone knew the words to it.

Actually, I don't think he does honestly know the words to it. Because he just keeps singing the same line, over and over and over and over again, getting progressively louder at each repetition. "Blinded by the light...Blinded by the light! BLINDED BY THE LIGHT!! BLIIIIINDED BY THE LIIIIIIGHT!!!!!"

(Have I mentioned that the singing gene just doesn't seem to exist in our family? Apparently it wasn't just me it skipped. My dear brother didn't have any luck in that category, either. *sigh*)

And when this chorus met my ears for about the 7,402nd time, I realized that maybe, just maybe, this was something bloggable ( < new word. How much fun is that to say? Bloggable bloggable bloggable!)...that maybe there was a way to tie it in to today's post. It's worth a try, right?

While listening to the radio the other day, I heard a story...hopefully I can remember it:

A hurricane ripped across the coastline, pouring intense amounts of rain down on the inhabitants. Cities were flooding, the water was rising and people were crying out for help. One man climbed on to his rooftop to avoid the rapidly rising water in his house. He looked up to heaven and called out, "God, save me!"

The man had loved God all his life, and truly believed that God would reach down and save him from this disasterous situation. He watched for God's hand to come down from heaven; he listened carefully so he wouldn't miss God's voice when it told him what to do.

As he was listening so intently, a rowboat floated by with a neighbor in.
"Do you need some help?" shouted the neighbor. "Climb in my boat!"
The man on the rooftop shook his head. "No, thanks!" he yelled back. "God's going to save me!"
Rowboat man shrugged and rowed away.

Well, the flood waters continued to rise and rooftop man was growing impatient. He thought maybe God hadn't heard him the first time, so he called out again, even louder, "God! Save me!!"
He stared up at the heavens, watching and waiting for the moment when God would come and save him from the floodwaters.

While he waited, another boat came by; this one even bigger then the last. Half a dozen people sat in this boat, but there was still plenty of room inside. One passenger held out a life vest.
"Hey there!" called out the passenger. "You need some help? Here! Take this!"

But rooftop man shook his head and held out his hand. "No, thanks!" he shouted back. "God's going to save me, you'll see!" The people in the boat shrugged and headed off to another rooftop.

Now, the rain had started up again and the situation wasn't exactly getting any better. Rooftop man realized that God better hurry up and do something here. He was getting pretty nervous. "God!" he called out again. "Please, God, please save me!!"

The waters had almost reached the top of his roof. The man danced around anxiously, on his tiptoes, knowing that his miraculous rescue would come any second and not wanting to miss it.
Unfortunately, he was interrupted by the sound of a helicopter.

The helicopter came closer and the man heard a voice coming through a bull horn say, "You there! Hang on! We're sending you a ladder!"
"No!" the man shouted back as loudly as he could. He shook his head again to prove his point. "No, that's OK! God's going to save me!"

Looking rather surprised, the helicopter folks nodded and shrugged and moved off to go find another person in need of rescue.
Well, a few moments later the flood waters had risen so high that they swept the man off his roof. He tried his best to swim away, but in the end, the current was too deep and he drowned.

When the man got to heaven, he said to God, "God!! I've loved you and served you all my life. I've been a faithful follower of your Word. I trusted you to save me! I cried out to you and you didn't do anything! You ignored my prayer, God! Why didn't you save me??"

God raised his eyebrows and looked at the man. "Are you kidding me?!" he said, surprised. "I tried! I sent you two boats and a helicopter! What more did you want?!"

In this story, the man was so sure that God was going to save him. He had this expectation that God would do something totally, incredibly, earth-shatteringly amazing in order to complete the rescue mission. The man was expecting a huge-scale miracle! He was waiting for the hand of God Himself to reach down and save him; he was waiting for God's voice to command the waters to recede. The man cried out, "God, save me!" and trusted God to do so. The only problem was that he was so focused on the powerfulness and miraculousness of God, that he missed the smaller miracle right in front of him.

He was blinded by the light, so to speak. This man believed so strongly that God could and would make unbelievable, inconceivable miracles happen (the "light") that he was unable to see that sometimes, God delights in using the ordinary to do extraordinary things.

The point is that sometimes, we get blinded by the light, too. We get so caught up in reading Bible stories about manna falling from heaven or angels saving people from fiery furnances or the mouths of lions being closed that we forget about the everyday miracles, too.
The thing is, God provides for our every need. If we need it, he's already got it taken care of. He hears every single one of our prayers. And he answers them -- often in ways that we wouldn't expect.

We need to make sure that our expectations don't interfere with our vision. It's great to believe that God does amazing things -- He certainly does! But don't let yourself get so caught up in the extraordinary that you miss all the incredible things he does on a smaller scale.

The most amazing thing God's done in my life? Bringing my best friend into it. There were no lions, fiery furnances, voices from Heaven or manna falling from the sky. In fact, the very first time I met my best friend, I hardly even talked to her. It wasn't an extraordinary day by any means; it was a picnic. But it was the start of the most amazing and important and incredible and yes, miraculous friendship I've ever experienced.

Is there something in your life right now that you are praying for? Are you waiting for God to answer a prayer? Be careful that your expectations of HOW he is going to answer don't interfere with your realization that he HAS answered it.

Don't be so busy waiting to hear God's voice that you miss the rowboat and the helicopter right in front of you. Sometimes God might give you an incredibly obvious answer to an incredibly complicated situation. It's easy to overlook the everyday answers to prayers -- the best friend who called to say Hi when you were feeling low, the brother who started singing obnoxiously when all you wanted to do was focus on writing a blog post, the dog who barked continously for you to take him for a walk so you could enjoy a gorgeous day...

Be ready and waiting for the ordinary AND the extraordinary. If you EXPECT God to do great things, He will. But beyond that, you've also got to be looking for these BIG things -- sometimes in the smallest of places. Don't be blinded by the light of God's greatness -- let his light illuminate things you might have otherwise missed.

Contrary to popular belief....

....Running is not about math.

Not at all.

In fact, it has nothing to do with numbers.

This is what I discovered today.

Now, I know. I'm sure some of you are taking a deep breath and geering up for a big argument that no doubt starts with something along the lines of, "Well, actually MMSG, the sport of running has an awful lot to do with math. You see, there's rather important concepts like oh, say, distance, minutes, seconds, miles, kilometers, time, calories, speed, the distance/rate/time formula...all of these, believe it or not, are related to math and have an awful lot to do with numbers. So you see, you are very wrong."

Ok, fine. You've got a point. Maybe I should word it differently...

Running should not be about math. Or, for that matter, numbers.



I'm a relatively new runner. I only just started running last month.

But regardless, in these last few weeks, running and I have gone through a lot of phases.

When I first started running, there were a whole bunch of feelings, though most of them centered around the general idea that, "This is great! This is the coolest thing I've ever done! I love it!". Week one was mostly made up of excitement about trying something new.

By week two, however, the novelty had worn off. Excitement was replaced by exhaustion and thoughts like, "Oh, man. Shouldn't it be easier by now?! Ugh. I can't do this. There's no way I can keep doing this!" dominated my consciousness. I was tired and wondering how much longer I could keep it up. Was this really the right sport for me?

Week three hurt, quite frankly. If nothing else, it tested my resolve and determination.

But week four dawned bright and I found myself redoubling my efforts. Motivation soared as I hit the I've-been-running-for-one-month milestone and I pushed myself harder than ever; determined to prove how much I'd improved. Week four hurt, too, but at least I was proud of myself.

Week five was much the same; in the midst of a million other commitments I crammed in time to run... because I had to, after all. I had to get in those extra 10 minutes; I had to do that extra mile, I had to run a fourth day. I had to push myself even harder; I had to beat my best time; I had to get better and do more.

And today is the start of week six. And today also happens to be the day that I've had an ephiphany.

Which brings me back to the statement: Running is not (or should not) be about numbers.

What it boils down to, is that I have finally realized that when I am totally focused on miles, minutes or m.p.h., I'm not having fun.

I started running because it was fun. Because it relieved stress. Because, in the midst of a totally crazy life it gave me time to think my thoughts without distractions. I thrived on the time I spent running on my little country roads, surrounded by forests and birds in the distances and cornfields. I loved the solitude. It was refreshing and invigorating and it made me feel good.

But I allowed myself to get caught up in getting better; doing more; going further. My motivations shifted. Instead of wanting to run, I dreaded it, because I knew I'd be pushing myself even further and becoming even more exhausted. Instead of looking forward to something that had, just a few weeks ago, relaxed and refreshed me, I found that I was instead dreading this thing that was, ironically, causing me more stress.

The over-achieving perfectionist in me dominated the dreamer in me. And I wasn't happy anymore! It took a deer, an icy wind and a drenching rainstorm today, during my run, to make me realize that in a few short weeks I had -- all on my own -- managed to ruin one of the few things that made me happy. I had allowed the numbers to invade!

Here is what I told my very best friend about my revelation-of-a-run earlier today:

....It was an interesting run. I decided to do my favorite route and I set out under the looming, ominous, gloriously dark gray storm clouds praying the rain would hold off til I got home, with the goal of beating my current record, if even only by a few seconds. The first half of my run was great -- for the first time in a month, I felt like I've made some progress. I found that I was running for longer periods without slowing to a walk and I felt really good. So I kept pushing myself and pushing myself and soon I was gasping for breath and every muscle in my body was screaming, "No! I can't take anymore!" and I felt like I was going to throw up. At that point, I realized that if I was pushing myself to the point where I was making myself ill then clearly I'd lost sight of all the reasons I'd started running and I needed to chill out and rethink my priorities (I think all those endorphins make me all philosophical-like. The strangest thoughts go through my head when I run!).

As I was arguing with myself about all this, I turned a corner and quite literally almost ran right smack into a deer, who was just as surprised about our meeting as I was. I think we were only about a foot away by the time it lept one way and I veered the other way. It was pretty cool! (And a pretty stinking big deer, too, I might add!!!)

ANYWAY, now, (in my continued philosophical state) I wondered if perhaps this was God's way of telling me to slow down and enjoy this run, rather then push myself to total exhaustion. And since at that point, I was nearly doubled over from cramps, I sort of had to slow down to a "brisk walk" anyway.

It was at this point that I finally realized it was raining 9and, unbeknownst to me, probably had been for quite awhile) and I was rather wet. Drenched, actually.

So -- here I am, two miles away from home, drenched, caught in a downpour; being blow about by an icy wind [it's only about 50 degrees today anyway], in pain from intense running and already exhausted, and what do I do??

What do you think? This is me, we're talking about.

I stopped and looked heavenward and, in a very Hollywood-movie-like way, spread out my arms and twirled around in the decending drops and said, "Thank you, God, for thunderstorms."...

Is there something in your life that you are dreading right now, even though you used to enjoy it? Maybe it's because, without you realizing it, your priorities have shifted. Maybe you're doing something with different motivations or for different reasons then you originally intended.

There's more to life then numbers and being the best and beating records. Sometimes, you've got to do something solely because it brings you joy and helps you appreciate life. Sometimes, you just have to dance around in a thunderstorm.

"Life isn't about learning how to avoid the storms. It's about learning how to dance in the rain."

p.s. I really REALLY like the title of this post. It's one of my favorite phrases! It just occurred to me that it might be a good title for this blog, instead of "Upon a Thought", which I don't really like. I might change it. Hmmm!

Just Because

My very best friend in the world has taught me an awful lot. Lately, though, she has been teaching me about a new phenomenon of hers which she calls, "paying it forward". In other words... doing nice things for other people "just because".

She says, "I am convinced that we could change the world [emphasis mine] if we would all 'pay it forward'. Do something nice for no reason. It puts someone else in a better mood and then they are more likely to do something nice, etc. etc. I love to do nice things just for the sake of happiness. My mom taught me. She didn't teach it, she just does it. And I have seen how people react. And it's powerful."

And she herself is an incredible example of this. We went to a sporting event last weekend, and ahead of us on the stairs was a woman trying to carry a stroller, three bags and a baby in a carrier down the stairs. Most people would have walked right by her, but my best friend stopped and offered to help and we all grabbed some of this womans stuff and helped her downstairs. It was a simple gesture, but this woman really appreciated it. Later, as we were leaving the gym, on her way out, my friend stopped to pick up empty water bottles and litter and threw it all away, so the coaches wouldn't have to deal with it later. Again, another simple gesture -- but it was appreciated. Something she did without even thinking about it. Something that came natural to her.

She is such a great example of someone who serves others just for the sake of serving. Not for any kind of recognition, not to build up her reputation and not to be praised. She doesn't help others only when people are watching, so she can build up her reputation. In fact, she probably doesn't even think anyone is watching her.

But I am. And through watching her example, I've learned a whole lot about serving others. Not for personal glory, but for God's glory. My best friend is living a life that God wants her to lead by serving others with a smiling face and cheerful attitude. She never once complained about how heavy the stroller was or how picking up water bottles made her late when she was in hurry. She is a true example of a servant with a servant's heart.

And because of this, I've found myself looking for opportunities to serve others in unexpected ways. Letting people go ahead of me in the grocery store. Letting someone else have that perfect parking space. Holding doors for total strangers. Even something as simple as just smiling or saying "Have a great day!" has been known to make other people smile.

I've experienced the powerful reactions to "paying it forward" myself. Here is a story that happened to me a few weeks ago while grocery shopping... (as told to my very best friend in the entire world):

I really do love grocery shopping... So I guess I was smiling a lot, and I was also singing preschool songs softly since we did a lot of music today, they were all stuck in my head. And I saw three preschool families there, at the grocery store, and was happy to have the chance to talk to them, so I guess I was rather cheery.

I kept seeing this Lady in the Blue Coat (for lack of any better way to describe her); somehow she was always in the same aisle as me, so I guess I probably kept smiling at her. I honestly don't remember, it was just instinct.

So anyway, I'm in line, in the express line, because my I-just-need-cat-food run had turned into a 9-item run. So I'm in the express line and behind me comes this young-ish woman trying to balance an infant carrier (with an adorable little girl inside!) in one arm and a single containter of baby food, a set of plastic bowls and a diaper bag in the other.

So I said, "Would you like to go in front of me?" No big deal. But her eyes got wide and she started saying, "Oh, yes, that would be wonderful; oh, thank you! Oh, this is so nice of you! Oh, I really appreciate this, thank you!" and on and on... So she moves up and now, behind me, is none other then the Lady in the Blue Coat... and I felt like she was watching me, but I figured I was being paranoid.

So I kept chatting with the young lady with the baby as the cashier rang up her stuff and said goodbye to her (she was still thanking me!) and then I bagged my groceries and paid for them and said Thank You to the cashier and wished her a nice day and was on my way.

And then, as I was walking out to the car, the Lady in the Blue Coat who had been behind me came running to catch up to me. "Excuse me, excuse me!" she said. I stopped and she said, "I just wanted to say...well, that was really nice, what you did in there." I must have looked puzzled, because she continued, "Letting that woman go ahead of you. That was so nice! And you yourself...I kept seeing you in that store and you just kept smiling. And it was so refreshing, because I think you were the only person in that store who WAS smiling! And you were so polite and sweet to the cashier! It's just good to know there are still some good, nice, college students out there."

I thanked her and replied that actually, I was still only in high school. She looked utterly shocked. I can't think of any other way to describe it! And then she said, 'Oh...well...wow! That's even more amazing, then! Thank you for putting me in a good mood!" And then she left.

It was pretty cool!! I mean, all of those things just came so natrual to me; I did them...smiling, singing, saying thank you, letting that young woman go ahead of me...without even thinking. It's just who I am, I guess, but it was interesting that it affected this Lady in the Blue Coat so much.

We are God's ambassadors, here to live by example and do God's work. We don't always have to be traveling overseas and making all the little nations get along or ending world hunger in order to do His work. Living a Christian life can start by just being an ambassador of God's love. Showing kindness and compassion to others in small ways. You might not feel likeyouy're making a difference in the world, but to that one person, you might be making a world of difference.

Just like my best friend, who didn't think anyone was watching her actions... I was. And I am learning from watching her. Who knows how many people will be watching you, and learning from you? Who knows how many lives you can change?

I challenge you to look for opportunities to "pay it forward". To do something nice for someone else, "just because". Let's see if we can change the world.

Those Frustrating Folks...

There are some people in life who drive me crazy.

Sometimes, it's over little, stupid, pointless things...Take, for example, that person driving towards you who never bothers to turn off their headlights. Or, the inconsiderate person who drops a container of butter in the grocery store and then just walks away and leaves the mess there for someone ELSE to deal with.

Now, admittedly, there are bigger issues in life. There are people who more then just annoy me -- they infuriate me! There are people who support causes I don't agree with and criticize me for my beliefs. There are people who seem to be determined to inform me of every single one of my flaws. There are "friends" who have turned on me. There are those who are prideful and self-centered and can't stop bragging; those who are mean and cold-hearted...I could go on and on.

Everyone has people in their life that make life harder, sadder, angrier, scarier, or more unbearable. And we often wonder -- why can't it be easier?
Why do I have to deal with people who hurt my feelings, break promises, cause fights, get me in trouble, etc, etc, etc?
What could we possibly gain from all these negative interactions that ruin our day?

Look at what Walt Whitman has to say in answer to this question:

Have you learned the lessons only of those who admired you, and were tender with you, and stood aside for you? Have you not learned great lessons from those who braced themselves against you, and disputed passage with you? -- Walt Whitman

Think about these words for a moment.

Whitman implies that we can learn something from those that drive us insane; those that anger us and cause us pain or struggling.

He's right. Just as we can learn things from positive intereactions with people, we can learn just as much -- if not more -- from negative intereactions. We learn how to deal with opposition, stubborness, and anger. We can learn a great deal about patience, humility, kindness and most of all, forgiveness.

God gives us the opportunities to interact with people who will ruin our day, make our lives miserable and bring us to tears -- what matters is what you learn from it. You learn a lesson from every situation, no matter how bleak it is. You just have to open your eyes and see the opportunity!! Maybe God's giving you a chance to practice being thankful. Maybe He's letting you learn how to stand up for yourself. Maybe He wants you to try listening to someone else's opinions...but you've got to be looking for the opportunity to learn, and to love.

The Flies of Life

Well.

I've learned a very important lesson. Do not, under ANY circumstance, assume that your kitten can ignore a fly. I'm sure you're all going, "huh??". It's a valuable lesson, though, mark my words.

Take last night, for instance. My dear probably-about-4-months-old kitten was "sleeping" (theoretically) in my room. It was dark, I was tired, we were both curled up in bed and I was positively thrilled at the fact that it was finally time for sleep. Sleep is good :)

But, lo and behold, a fly made its entrance. How? Couldn't tell ya. Seeing as we've had a three inch layer of ice on the ground and every other imaginable surface for the last few weeks, I had naively assumed that meant most living creatures were either hibernating or..well...not so living. Apparently I was wrong. How did the fly get in to MY room? Also no clue. In the summer, they're everywhere, but that's because I have my window open all the time...but I assure you, my window hasn't been open for months now.

The point, though, is that somehow, this tiny little fly got in. Keep in mind the size of a fly, OK? Tiny little beasts, really. In the grand scheme of things, they really don't take up that much room or space or thoughts.And yet, I found out that this one, tiny fly had unimaginable power. It's all because of this insect that I didn't get any sleep last night. My kitten, Littlest, apparently decided it was her new life's goal (aside from killing all the house plants and eating all the candles, that is) to catch this fly. Kitty on a mission, I'm tellin' ya. So, she spent THE ENTIRE NIGHT (no exaggeration. Really.) leaping, clawing, meowing, pouncing, jumping, hissing, and desperatly trying to catch this thing.

Not sleeping, which is, believe it or not, what you're supposed to do at night. No -- she was too distracted by this fly to do anything important like, say, sleep.

Needless to say, NONE of us got ANY sleep. The fly was busy buzzing around, finding new hiding places, and taunting the cat (I'm sure I heard it giggling at one point, saying, "Nah nah nah nah naaaah! I'm way up here and you're stuck down the-ere!"). The cat, of course, was consumed by her obsessive desire to catch this pest, and I was stuck listening to them both and praying that all the crashing sounds were nothing breakable. (As it is, I don't think anything major broke, but my room is rather messy at present, and it's kind of hard to tell what was knocked on the floor and what was already there...)

My point? From all of this, we can learn a lesson:

Sometimes the tiniest, most trivial things can distract us from what's really important. Just like Littlest, who allowed this tiny, inconsequential bug to so completely distract her that she missed out on something vital to her health -- sleep -- we, too, are guilty of this.

Ever allowed yourself to worry about something to the point where you tune out what a friend is saying? How about procrastinating? (THAT'S ME!!! But that's really a topic for another post)
Ever forget to pray because you were too busy?Ever skip church because something else felt more important?

See what I mean? It's a dangerous thing -- physically, emotionally, and spiritually -- to let things distract you so much. You will miss out on SO MUCH in life!

Especially around Christmas, there are SO MANY distractions that can get in the way of celebrating our Savior's birth. In the mad rush to buy presents, host parties, pack suitcases, send Christmas cards and hang lights, it's so easy to forget WHY we are celebrating.

So...why do we have distractions, then?Well, here's some food for thought -- what if God gives us distractions so we can learn to be more focused? Think about it -- every time you're faced with a distraction, you're also blessed with the opportunity to become a more focused, determined person. That's pretty cool! We humans have the amazing ability to learn and define our skils. It's pretty exciting! And when we are blessed with opportunities to do so, well, the possibilties are endless! (Cats are apparently the exception to this rule -- they don't seem particularly interested in becoming more focused. Phooey.)

Ok..well...how do we become more focused?

First, figure out what is most distracting you right now...allow your mind to wander for a moment. What does it settle on? A worry? Something you're excited about? An upcoming event? Something you're afraid of? That funny joke your best friend told you? That mean insult you accidentally overheard? Recognizing your distraction is the first step!

Next -- let it go. Scary thought, I know, but let go of all your distractions. Give it all up to God -- whether it is praise or frustration, worry or joy, pain or excitement -- He can handle it. Better yet, He can help you through it.

Then -- once you've cleared your mind and heart, focus on what IS really important. Maybe that's reading the Bible. Maybe it's spending more time in prayer. Maybe it's volunteering somewhere. Maybe it's telling your friends and family how much you care about them.

Whatever it is, make a conscious effort to focus on that.It's not easy to stay focused, and from time to time, everyone loses sight of the important things in life. It's essential, though, to step back every so often and think -- am I distracted? What's distracting me? How can I be more focused?

Hopefully you will be able to let go of all your little "flies" and focus more on the important stuff :)

Attitudes on snow

It snowed here the other day. You know, snow is really a remarkable thing...it's amazing how many different reactions there are to it, and how many things influence those reactions. Personally, I find it sad that so many people are annoyed at the thought of snow. So many people see it as a chore or a curse, which is such a travesty!

Take age, for example: It's funny. Declare, "It's snowing!" to a roomful of five-year-olds, and you will be greeted by cheers and "Hoorays!"; grins and giggles; immediate plans to build snow forts and snow people, and whispered prayers for "a humongous storm!". But mention the word around a group of adults, and you'll experience a very different reaction. Most likely, there will be groans and eye-rolling; someone will comment about last minute items that need to be picked up at the grocery store and the fact that the plows never come soon enough and oh, great; now I have to spend tomorrow morning shoveling my driveway when I'd much rather be doing....you get the idea. And don't even think about mentioning snow to my grandmother -- you'll be in for a two-hour rant about how hard it is to clean off her car and how awful ice is and why can't we just have a perpetual summer, anyway? While there are some exceptions, obviously, for the most part, our reaction to snow changes with age. That depresses me. I mean, just look how those five year old reacted -- total, utter joy at this fun and unexpected blessing. They didn't think about the extra work snow causes, how cold and wet they'll get playing outside and how much longer it will take to get dressed, thanks to all the extra layers, coats, hats, boots, gloves, etc... they were just happy. We can learn a lot from them! I honestly think it's a devastating thing when our childlike joy turns to griping and groaning.

Although, the time of year affects our views on snow, too. If a meteorologist mentions "snow" on October 1st, most people are shocked. A few months later, say around December 24th, and you'll probably find half the country praying for snow; in hopes of having a fairy-tale "White Christmas". But by the time February roles around, most people are sick of snow; mention
"snow" in April and you might very well be shunned.

And when you think about it, snow is a pretty special substance....it really does deserve to be celebrated; looked at with awe and wonder, not complained about! It's really the only type of weather that is more less confined to one season -- winter. We don't get this stuff all the time, folks...we should enjoy it while we can! It's such an incredible thing! There is absolutely nothing like walking through fresh snow and hearing that wonderful "crunching" sound. And, admit it -- who doesn't love catching a snowflake on their tongue once and a while? And have you ever noticed how quiet and peaceful everything seems when it's covered with snow...the proverbial "blanket" covers and muffles everything. And then there's snowflakes themselves; I could go on forever about how much I love the individuality of snowflakes or the way they sparkle, but I'm sure it's all be said before.

What I love about snow is that it wields such power over our emotions. Snow has the power to completely stop us in our tracks, and just gaze at it's indescribable beauty. Snow has the power to just make us smile and sigh happily. Snow makes us think of all kinds of good things -- hot chocolate, warm fires, Christmastime and memories from other winters. And regardless of how annoying it can be and how much a sudden snowstorm might mess up our plans, when snow melts away, it does leave behind a somewhat depressing feeling, doesn't it? I think everyone sighs sadly at some point, as they notice the inches of fluff turning to nothingness and leaving the mud and cinders behind...and pine trees just looked better when capped with snow....

So next time you see snow, are you going to sigh in digust or sigh in wonder at God's beauty? Will you notice the glorious sparkle of the tiny flakes or just the fact that you have to shovel your sidewalk? Will you listen to your crunching footsteps or just think about how cold your toes are? Will you smell the snow, or just wrinkle your nose at it?

I just love snow :)