Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Driving

(in no particular order)

1. Headlights. Is it so freaking hard to turn them off, people?! Do you really need them when the street you’re driving on has streetlights every three feet or so? Must you have them on while you’re tailgating me? That’s sort of distracting, you know. And! When you’re coming towards me -- TURN THEM OFF, for pity’s sake! Are you TRYING to blind me?!?! Good grief.
   
   
2. Squirrels. The blasted things must all be on death missions, I tell you. Seriously! Do they posses any common sense? Any at ALL? Shouldn’t they at least have some kind of survival instinct that tells them to RUN when big loud things come towards them? *I* am a big, loud thing coming towards them, and they either a) sit in the middle of the road and stare at me, b) wait until the last second to run away or c) run almost totally across the road, only inches from safety, only to turn around and run IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN to go to the OTHER side of the road.Nincompoops.
   
   
3. Speaking of nincompoops, the squirrels aren‘t the only ones. About ¾ of the other drivers out there on the road seem to be one. See #1 above. Why can't people just be GOOD drivers?!?! It would make the whole experience that much more FUN, you know, instead of stressful!
   
   
4. Drive-thrus. Ugh. It’s not exactly easy to manuever a minivan around all those cement barriers and tight turns and get close enough to the window to hand them your money and get your food without scraping your side view mirror on the building… UGH!
   
   
5. Driveways. The short, curvy, long, windy (that’s WINE-dee, as in, it winds around a lot, not WIN-dee, as it, blowing breezes. Although a windy driveway would probably be unpleasant, too, if the wind was forceful enough…) tight, narrow, hilly or unpaved ones in particular. I absolutely hate 98% of driveways. I don’t like having to turn around. I don’t like having to back out, either, which sort of makes it hard to get out of just about every driveway in America.
   
   
6. Pedestrians. I know, I know, you’re supposed to yield to them. I DO! That’s my problem! You can never tell where people are going (“is that woman going to cross the street? Is she waiting to cross or waiting for a bus? Is she walking down that road or going straight or turning?” etc, etc) so I always end up stopping when I don’t have to because it usually LOOKS like they’re going to cross the street only they don’t, and people behind me get mad.
   
   
7. Speed limits. Or rather, everyone else's inability to GO the speed limit. Apparently I’m the only person who follows them, and the rest of the world feels the need to tailgate me and wuite frankly, people, THAT just makes me go slower, so there! *sticks out tongue*
   
   
8. Toll Booths. Similar to the drive-thru issues, but toll booths also require intense amount of coordination and quick thinking. It’s multitasking while driveway. It’s insane! You’ve got to get in the correct lane (EZ-Pass? Or not? Cash only? Trucks only? Is a van a truck?!?) while avoiding all the other people who are swerving this way and that to get in THEIR correct lane. Then you need to slow down, roll down your window and not hit the car in front of you -- or the cement barriers, the “slow down” sign, or the toll booth itself -- pull up close enough to get the ticket, and then (after the gate raises, of course), accelerate back to a normal ramp speed and get into the correct lane to go where you’re going, all the while rolling up your window and setting the ticket down somewhere where you’ll be able to grab it quickly later. Don’t even ask me about the second half of toll booths, where you have to do all of the above and handle money, too….UGH!!!
   
   
9. Merging. Lots of cars going fast, me trying to get in the midst of them before the lane ends…need I say more?
   
   
10. Passengers. They talk to you, whistle, gasp, fiddle with the radio, make obnoxious comments, open their windows when you really don’t want to be blasted by air, make noise, ask you questions and certain people that I’m related to have a nasty habit of shrieking and bracing themselves on the dashboard in front of them everytime I slow down, as though they think they’re going to die. This is, as you can imagine, rather distracting as well.

And people wonder why I’d rather walk places!!!! SHEESH!