The month so far...

Heh. Now that you've all gotten used to the crazy-frequent posting of January...make way for February the crazy-busy! Sorry I've been so quiet lately. We're only a week into Feb and already I'm exhausted!

Wednesday flew by in a whirl of classes, homework, and interviews. Thursday was the Big Birthday. It was, by far, the greatest birthday I've EVER had -- THANK YOU to all the awesome people who made it so marvelous! Details soon. Friday - Saturday I was gone at a sleepover and attending another bday party; today the cuz had a wrestling match which lasted for a mere 6 1/2 hours. Now, I've got a crazy load of homework that needs to be done by tomorrow night, and I'd better do it now, because I'll be gone all day tomorrow at a college visit/interview (*GULP* prayers needed. It could lead to a full-tuition scholarship. But no pressure or anything, right?!?!?) and then a meeting in the evening.

Someday soon, I really WILL have time to think out a post. Pinky promise.

Savior, please

So, as you may have gathered from the last post, it's been an incredibly overwhelming weekend. Wonderful, certainly; there's been some amazing moments. But overwhelming for sure. Today I had a chance to spend some time with Very Best Friend in the Whole Entire Galaxy, and oh, how I needed that! Without fail, every moment I spend with her, whether it's curled up on the sofa watching a movie or in the middle of a noisy, smelly gym, she just refreshes my soul.

It's funny. All weekend as I was doing everything for everyone I kept telling myself, "You're fine! You're going to love this! It'll be great!". And I thought I was doing a pretty good job keeping up the act, you know? The I'm-not-tired, I-really-do-want-to-be-here, life-is-good act. I'm sure you're all familiar with it.

And this is why she is my Very Best Friend in the Whole Entire Galaxy. Because my "act" didn't fool her for a nanosecond. She knew something was wrong and she even guessed most of the stuff that was upsetting me before I even said one word. So after somewhat of a meltdown, I was feeling marginally better about life, but she helped me realize that a big part of my problem is a lack of faith. I'm in a scary transitional time of my life right now, and faith is more vital than ever before if I have any hope of navigating this. And yet, why is it that in the moments when you most need your faith, it's easiest to forget about the concept of "trust"? Why is it so easy to lose sight of God in the moments when you should be most focused on him?

As I drove home, I was praying that God would take my angry, scared, doubtful heart and replace with the peace and faith and trust I was so desperately in need of. And this song came on the radio, and I know it was the answer to my prayer:

Savior, Please by Josh Wilson


Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

And though it might sound completely corny, these words just spoke to my heart, echoing all the words Very Best Friend had said earlier, and it was an amazing experience.
Oh, the goosebumps and the tears!

Anyway, I just pray that if you're in this place right now -- this overwhelming, trying so hard to measure up and be all things to all people and prove things to the world, that this song will encourage you and bring peace to you.

It's 12:24am.

I have not had more than 5 hours of sleep per night all week.

I have not finished any of the homework that's due Monday.

I have not planned the Sunday School lesson I'm teaching tomorrow morning.

I have not written a decent lengthed email in days.

I have not written anything in days.

I have over 900 unread items in Google Reader and over 100 unread, non-spam emails to attend to.

I have eaten a ridiculous amount of Tastykakes today.

I have had a very packed, yet very wonderful weekend so far, and I expect tomorrow to be the most packed and most wonderful yet.

I have no cell phone for the third week running.

I have to be awake in a mere 5 hours.

Again.

It's Always the Monkeys

Hee hee...for those of you to whom that title means anything, I love ya! Oh, the memories..... :)

Alright, so maybe it wasn't entirely the monkeys. My long, unexplained absense was partially my fault...Whew! Sorry, guys, I've really been intending to post a lot over the last few weeks, I really have! Pinky promise! But, as I'm sure you all can relate to, Christmas "break" was anything but. I was gone more than I was home (not that I'm complaining; GOOD TIMES, man!) and the time to write out posts just didn't exist! Anyway, I do promise that posts are on the way.

Sit tight.







(Alright, I'll probably regret asking this, but does anyone know where the term "sit tight" came from? What the heck is that supposed to mean, anyway?!)

One Life to Love

So...one lesson I've been learning a lot lately is that life is short. As you know, I am workaholic and a perfectionist to boot -- it's SO easy for me to get consumed by making sure every little detail is not only perfect but above and beyond expectations. This translates into doing intense amounts of extra credit homework, doing double assignments, studying and restudying obsessively...you get the idea. And while that's all well and fine, I'm finally starting to learn that there's more to life than striving for perfection.

When I get to Heaven, and Jesus asks me what I've done to further His kingdom, do I really want to be saying, "Well...um...well I DID get all 100's while I was in school! Perfect A's, every single year! And check out all the extra credit points I racked up!" Somehow...I don't He'll be that impressed.

My goal this year has been to shift my focus to the things that really matter in life. Don't worry -- I'm not saying school isn't important. I know that God wants me to work hard and get an education, because He's going to use that to His glory in whatever situations He places me in later on. I'm going to need that. (So even when Algebra seems pointless, I remind myself that somehow, this WILL glorify God, in the end...!). What I AM saying, though, is that priorities are important. I'm learning that sometimes, you have to skip a class to go vist your amazing youth leader Amy, who needs a lift. You might need to skip the extra credit homework assignment because your friend has just called you, sobbing. You might need to give up studying that chapter for the 13th time because your brother's club needs extra volunteers at a bake sale. Life is about loving; above all, we are to glorify God and spread His Word and His Love to all whose lives we can touch.

I'm learning that being so wrapped up in my own goals is selfish. I'm learning that I don't need to worry about the "what ifs" because if I'm following God's will, I know it's all gonna be OK. I'm learning that this is our one chance to spread the joy and life is too short to squander it on things that won't matter.

Will my SAT scores matter 10 years from now? Heck no. Will the fact that I was there to help my best friend out when she needed me matter? Oh, yeah. You bet it will!

When I get to Heaven, will God give a hoot about all the study hours I put in? Maybe. Maybe not. Will He be more concerned with the time I spent serving others, loving others and leading others to Him? Oh yeah, baby.

This song has been influencing my thoughts a lot lately, too.

Blegh.

I just finished a massive project for my Ethics class; it was a journal of news articles and I had to write an analysis of each one, detailing the ethical problems and theories present in the articles. All said and done, it's forty-two pages long.

Forty.

Two.

Pages.


Egads. Do you know how much thinking was involved?!?!?!

I think I need a nap. Or chocolate. Or to go play my guitar as loudly as I can until my fingers go numb and all I can think about is chords and finger placement.

Or all of the above.

Sadly, I still have two English assignments to do, a speech to finalize, two papers to write and finals studying to begin, all this weekend.

I think I need a longer weekend.

I'm now officially midterm-free! HOORAY!!

*throws study guides and papers in the air and does a happy dance of total joy*

Life is very good right now!

But exceedingly busy, thus the uber-short post!

Ta-ta!

Home again, home again, jiggety jog...

I know, I know, you're all DYING to hear about the latest camp experience and I promise, it was a doozie and I've got some good stories. Sorry I'm so behind; but I came home to 120+ emails and 100+ new items on Google reader, gah! It's taking me a while to get back on top of everything!!!

I promise, real posts coming soon. I'm even toying with the idea of posting this random little short story I've written, but I might wimp out and not...hmm. It needs some revising first, though, at any rate.

But for right now, it's waaaaaay after my bedtime and my soft, fluffy pillow is chanting my name so I must go. More later!

Honey, I'm hoooooooooome!

Ok, so really I've been home since Friday, but no matter; I've been too busy to post until now :)

Camp was AMAZING FANTASTIC AWESOME INCREDIBLE FABULOUS WONDERFUL EXCELLENT UNBELIEVABLE and MORE!!!!!!!!

Short version: decent cafeteria food, air conditioned dorms, EXCELLENT classses & speakers, street witnessing, reunions with old friends, ultimate frisbee, "TALLY HO!", LOTS of pictures, meeting new friends, evil cafeteria chairs, a stalker, "Ready cowgirls? YEEEE HAW!", a deceptive stop sign, card games, passing the final exam (only 1 question wrong, woo hoo!), the Spamley Cup (even if we did lose...), nightly worship services, singing, the cup game, and TONS more!!

The classes were positively incredible. Some of them were repeats of basic classes we did last year, but that was great, because apparently I've forgotten A LOT of stuff!!! It was excellent to have that review. I took so many notes and pictures and I definitely think that many of the things I learned/talked about this past week at Worldview Academy will be future topics on this blog. So watch out :)

Life continues to be crazy as I prepare for an interview, get ready for a bunch of meetings this week and register for college classes, gah!

Top 5 Reasons Why This Isn't A Real Post:

1. Chemistry is evil. And therefore still not done. Blah.



2. Evil trolls have taken up residence in my bedroom and keep throwing things onto the floor, un-organizing the desk and scattering shoes around. As such, my room will not stay clean, and as such, I am perpetually attempting to clean it anyway. Not because I want to, mind you, but because I have to. Merh.



3. You know how most people's summers are relaxing times, where they can unwind and focus on the things they don't have enough time to do during the rest of the year? Not me. My summers are just as busy as the school year. Busy-ness includes, but is not limited to: Summer job. Never-ending college search. Babysitting. Extracurriculars. Summer camps. Need to plan 5 lessons for upcoming week of VBS (Vacation Bible School) that's I'm teaching at our church. Guitar needs practicing. Etc.



4. Writer's block. Severe writer's block, I might add. I have not written anything, save for a short story which I'm relatively sure is idiotic, for weeks. Which is so absolutely not me. This latest block has rather far-reaching effects; it's permeated not only my stories, but also my poems, journal entries and now I'm afraid it's affecting my blog! AAAH! Any ideas, folks?!?!



5. Aforementioned trolls, apparently growing bored with being confined to my bedroom have spread out and brought all sorts of dirt and other bits of crud throughout the house and therefore causing me to have to vacuum. Again.

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...

I've really been meaning to post for ages. And somehow there's never time, bah. And I was doing so well, there, at the beginning of the month!!
I haven't posted anything "serious" in a while now. Hmmm. Should probably get on that......

Wow, life has been busy lately!!

Last weekend I had the incredible pleasure of meeting Somnite and Anilee -- it was WOOO HOOO exciting -- for the very first time!!! I have to say, guys, you both are EXACTLY what I pictured. Which is a good thing :)

A crazed week of still trying to finish up intense amounts of schoolwork among other pressing matters (application deadlines.... other commitments...plentiful meetings...lots of cleaning....) filled my last few days and as of right now, I am at an annual church assembly, which is pretty exciting -- I was elected the female delegate for my congregation. Today starts Day 2 (and it started bright and early, UGH!) and I have to say, I am positively fascinated by everything that's going on. We are voting and discussing some really major issues here, and I'm finding that I -- even as a youth -- actually have a voice. I'm being treated as an adult instead of like a silly little teenager and I have to say, it's an incredibly exciting and positively terrifying feeling all at once. I've been feeling very naive compared to most of these people and very unqualified to be voting and making these sorts of decisions. And yet, others are trusting me to do so and that responsibility is a little overwhelming!
Kind of funny, isn't it: I've begged and pleaded for eons to be treated like an adult and now that people are finally doing so and taking me seriously, it scares me out of my wits.

Life is confusing. Sheesh.

Well, we are off ISO Wawa....mmmm, cappucino!!!!!

Meetings and deadlines and schoolwork, oh my!

Ok. So...well...I know I've talked about this sort of thing before. But that was months ago. And it's important. And I'm taking a different viewpoint on the subject, this time. :)


Yesterday I spent, with the exception of about 35 minutes in which I came home, ate lunch, and changed -- 13 consecutive hours away from home; at church and meetings. Which was GREAT, and all; it was a FANTASTIC day. It was just...long. And pretty tiring.

It's another one of those weeks. *sigh*

I have fours papers due. I have a meeting or commitment every single night this week. Today was the deadline for a few magazines that I needed to submit writing to (goal for tomorrow). There are two contests I really want to enter that MUST BE POSTMARKED NO LATER THEN SATURDAY. My room is a mess -- even *I* can see that. I need to plan a Sunday School lesson for this week. I have a million school assignments that I need to catch up on. Plus, I'd really like to go running three -- or ideally, even four! -- times this week.....

And none of this is a bad thing, don't get me wrong!
But it is a tad bit...overwhelming...I'm feeling like every single second (literally) of my life for the next few weeks is completely scheduled away.


One thing I’ve struggled with for my entire life -- I know, I know, that sounds funny coming from a high schooler, but bare with me -- is “me” time. You know, taking time to think without overwhelming myself; to breathe without hyperventilating. It’s always been a concept that just completely eludes me -- I’m no good at relaxing. Never have been.

I took a class once, and one of the women in it told me her “story”. A middle age single mom working two jobs, raising two teenagers, taking care of an aging mother, etc, etc. Obviously, she was incredibly stressed out with everything she was dealing with. “It got to the point,” she told me, “that I was so miserable, so exhausted, that I didn’t want to get out of bed. People would ask me how I was and I didn’t know how to answer them. How was I? What was I feeling? I had no idea. I was losing myself to all those I held dear. It wasn’t that I didn’t love them, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to help them. I did -- I do -- more then anything. It was just that I couldn’t do it all. I couldn’t be everything to everyone forever.”
It took her years to come to this conclusion, she confessed, and once she finally realized it, she was able to come up with a solution. She decided that every Thursday night would be “her” time. Starting at 7pm, she’d turn off her phones, she wouldn’t check her email, she’d take time for her. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” she admitted. “And there are days when it’s still incredibly tempting to schedule things on 'my' Thursday nights. But ultimately, I’ve learned that I NEED that time in order to function. If I don’t take a few hours to recharge, to unwind, to do things for me, then I can’t possibly do anything for anyone else.”
And it’s hard!! It was hard, she said, at first, to explain to family and friends what she was doing. It was so hard to stick to her guns and keep Thursday nights free.
“It’s a commitment I have to make every single week,” she said. “And it’s still a challenge. But it’s worth it.”

Wow. I so admire her resolve! I admire her courage!
Because it is an INCREDIBLY hard thing to do, to make time for yourself; to take a minute or an hour or *gasp* a whole day to not work. Whether you’re a junior in high school trying to figure out what the heck you want to do with your life or a mom with three kids trying to go in 56 directions at once or going through a midlife crisis or whatever…wherever you are in your life, it’s hard. It’ll never get easier!

But the fact is…God doesn’t want us to spend our lives trying to cram every extracurricular activity, every volunteer opportunity, every extra-credit assignment, every committee meeting, every commitment in to our lives. He doesn’t want us to be so busy that we’re miserable; so weary -- whether physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually (or all of the above) -- that we can’t function.

Think about it logically. I’ve found out that hard way that I can’t do schoolwork when I’ve had a week’s worth of only-three-hours-of-sleep nights. It just doesn’t happen. I can’t perform to the best of my ability, and I truly believe that performing to the best of my ability is a way that I can bring glory to God.
You follow me so far?

Likewise, I can’t be an effective teacher at preschool if I’m consumed by stress or worry, because I can’t focus on what I need to.
I can’t take time to pray when I’m too busy to think my thoughts.
I can’t think my thoughts unless I take time to do so.

My fabulous youth leader made a suggestion tonight. Start with one hour, she suggested. One hour a week that you schedule into your life -- same as you’d schedule a meeting or a date or a study session -- and let it be yours. After all -- a week is 168 hours long. Surely you can afford to make ONE of those hours yours?

“Ok,” you might be thinking now. “So maybe I can handle that…but…what about when I feel guilty?
”Well, I deal with this all the time, too. I feel incredibly guilty taking time for “me”. I feel selfish-- "who am I to say that I’m more important? I could be changing the world right now. I should focus on THAT, not silly old ME…and think of all the things I could be doing right now,” I always argue with myself. “I could be studying for that Chemistry test or reading next week’s chapter for AP Psych or writing a letter to so-and-so or volunteering here or doing this or that or…” and that’s where you’ve got to realize that you don’t have to feel guilty about it!

Whoa. Foreign concept, I know. NO guilt? Really? I might be…allowed… to take a break? *gasp* To read a book that’s not required for school, to watch a totally pointless movie that makes me laugh, to sit down and call a friend just to say hi, to write a silly story, to play with my dog or go for a walk or do *biggest gasp yet*……nothing?!?!

Yup. That's what I'm saying :)

“Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts…” (2 Thes. 2:16-17).

God longs to comfort us when we are weak; to give us strength and hope and to renew and refresh our souls…but we have to allow Him. We’ve got to give God that space to come into our hearts. We’ve got to give ourselves the time to just be still.

One of my all time favorite Bible verses is Psalm 42:10: “Be still and know that I am God.”

It reminds me that I don’t have to be constantly moving in a million directions at once; obsessively working to glorify God. Sometimes all he wants me to do is be still…still…and just acknowledge his presence and his majesty. It’s then that I will find the strength, the knowledge, the peace, the courage, whatever I need, to keeping working for him.

Give yourself an hour this week to be still.

I'm off on an adventure!!

Hi everyone,

Merry Christmas!!

I know. It's been silent lately. I'm sorry!! I leave tomorrow for my big mission trip to South America. I'm very excited...and a little nervous, too! But needless to say, I have been very busy these last few days, with trip-related and Christmas-related activities :)

I have a whole plethora of posts that I'm working on, but I don't think I'll have time to finish or get anything up before I leave....so sorry.

So leave me lots of great comments telling me how much you all miss me :) and look for lots of new posts when I get back in a little over a week :)

"We're busy, busy, frightfully busy..."

Well...Thanksgiving is over! The long weekends, holiday breaks, and vacations are over, and life is starting up again at top speed! Suddenly, my days of staying up late, sleeping in, reading cozily for hours and ignoring my to-do list are over, and have now been replaced by deadlines, school projects, committments, work and volunteering, chores, resposibilities, etc, etc, etc... And, I'm thrilled, frankly! I get too bored when things are slow and relaxing; I much prefer the crazy hubbub of my life. I like to be busy busy busy; indeed, I THRIVE on being busy!!

However, there is, as much as I hate to admit it, such a thing as being *gasp* TOO busy. Can you believe that??? But we live in a society that encourages busy-ness, packed schedules, full calendars, and running a million miles a minute in order to do everything. Sometimes, when this is the message we're receiving from every single angle, it's hard to hear God's voice through it all:

"As long as it is day, we must do the work of Him who sent me." -- John 9:4a

My best friend said it perfectly: "Our society loves over-achievers. Nobody goes around saying, "hey! I didn't do a single thing yesterday. Isn't that great?" But everyone will tell you they can drive down the road while talking on the cell phone and making a grocery list at the same time... it's an addiction. You start to thrive on chaos and rushing and you begin to need to fill every second with three things or you are "not doing enough." There is a poster I have from a long time ago with two cardinals sitting on a snowy tree branch in a snow storm. Underneath it says, "What is life if, full of care, we have no time to sit and stare?" And it's true. God didn't make all of these amazing things so we could fly right by them with no time to appreciate them."

This goes back to what I said about snow, but it's worth repeating. God created this amazing world, and He gave us copious time to appreciate it and marvel at it.

"This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!" -- Psalm 118:24

So why do we insist on filling that time with things that can't -- and won't -- make us truly happy? How can we praise God for all He's given us if we don't even notice all the blessings we have?

Look at the song "Spending Time" by Stellar Kart:

Just so happens that my schedule is empty
But still there's no room for You
The time has come and gone
Things have come along that take me away from you

Don't take this the wrong way
You're so perfect
And everything tells me
You're so worth it

Spending time with You
Not a moment goes by that You're not by my side
Spending time with You
You're all that I want life is so hard to do

When we first met I remember
I'd do anything for You
But as the years go by
I let my attentions slide
And I'm pulling away from You

Don't take this the wrong way
You're so perfect
And everything tells me
You're so worth it

Spending time with You
Not a moment goes by that You're not by my side
Spending time with You
You're all that I want life is so hard to do

And, as if the act alone of filling up our time, to the point where there's no room for God, wasn't damaging enough to our relationship with Him....the things themselves that we busy ourselves with can bring us EVEN FURTHER from God.

My all-time favorite music group, Casting Crowns, also sums it up well in their song "American Dream":

All work no play may have made Jack a dull boy
But all work no God has left Jack with a lost soul
But he's moving on full steam
He's chasing the American dream
And he's gonna give his family the finer things

Not this time son, I've no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow we'll have time to play
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away

So He works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better;
Better in time
And he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands

His American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day
"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh Baby, please don't work late."
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away

Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things will get better
It'll just take a little more time
So he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands

He used to say, "Whoever dies with the most toys wins"
But if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end?
I'll take a shack on the rock
Over a castle in the sand

Now he works all day and cries alone at night
It's not getting any better
Looks like he's running out of time
Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands

All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You

When the world is telling us to "Go, go, go", to "Do it all and work hard and fill your time with everything", we need to take a moment and thing about what we're filling our time with. And our motives. What are our goals? Why do we do the things we do? What are we gaining out of all of our busy-ness?

I deal with this every single day in my own life. Do I really need to do that research project right now? Or is it more important for me to spend some time in prayer? My friend just called and she really needs to talk -- do I listen, or cut the conversation short so I can go finish my monsterous to-do list? I have other committments on Sunday morning -- but, in the long run, are they more important then going to church?

And more importantly -- are all the things we are filling out time with bringing us closer to God, or taking us farther away from Him? We've got to look at our priorities -- are we furthering God's kingdom with all that we do? Or are we putting it on hold?
It's OK to be busy. Just make sure you're busy for the right reasons, doing the right things.

One final song, and I promise, it's short :) look at this song from VeggieTales. It's aptly named, the "Busy, Busy Song":

I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy
You've no idea what I have to do.
Busy, busy, shockingly busy
Much, much too busy for you.

We're busy, busy, dreadfully busy
You've no idea what we have to do.
Busy, busy, shockingly busy
Much, much too busy for you.

'Cause we're busy, busy, frightfully busy
More than a bumblebee, more than an ant.
Busy, busy, horribly busy
We'd love to help, but we can't!

Is this the message that we want to be sending to the world?!?! I don't think so! Make room in your schedule for God today. Spend some time in prayer, read a passage from the Bible, or just listen to what He's telling you. You'll find that all those things you thought you had to do suddenly become less important, when you realize what is truly important.