This Little Light of Mine....

So, as I was driving home tonight, I had a most interesting encounter with the guy driving the SUV next to me. Picture it: I'm in my little raspberry colored car (Ok, so it's not technically mine. Thank you, Nana, for letting me borrow it!!), all the windows rolled down (because we had the most perfect September weather today!), singing along at the top of my lungs with the song on the radio, which is tuned to the WordFM. I'm stopped at a notoriously long stoplight. Seriously. The kind of stoplight that would be created by an evil genius bent on revenge, because it stays red forevvvvvvvver and is only green for about a tenth of a millisecond.

Anyway, Guy in the SUV in the lane next to me must also have his windows rolled down. Now, let me just point out that, had I known this, I most definitely would have stopped singing. OR at least rolled up my windows. I do feel kind of bad for the innocent strangers who are forced to listen to me squawk, after all. However, I didn't realize it.

He, naturally, did. And he must have had exceptionally good hearing, because even with the sound of my squawks, he was able to discern the song I was listening to.



Guy in the SUV: Hey! Sounds like a good song! What station you listening to?



Me (after turning the music down and trying to pretend I have no idea where that awful squawking was coming from): WordFM....88.9!



Guy in the SUV: "Word"...sounds like one of those Godly Christian stations...



Me: It is. And it's pretty awesome. You should check it out!



Guy in the SUV: You know, I don't know that I believe in God....



Me: Check it out anyway. Maybe you'll hear something....maybe it will help answer your questions.



At this point, the stoplight must have sensed that we were actually enjoying ourselves and getting into a conversation. Naturally, being designed to bring everlasting frustration upon the world, it quickly changed to green, forcing us both to move. However, and I swear God was smiling, we hit another red stoplight a few blocks up. Once again, I'm stopped next to Guy in the SUV, and we both still have our windows rolled down.
And I hear the same songs I'm listening to in my car playing from his radio. And he's tapping his fingers along on the steering wheel. He looks over and notices me and says, "I might keep listening to this. Thanks." And I replied, "You're welcome!" and then we were off, going our seperate ways.

Even now, hours later, I can't even explain how blown away I am by this encounter. It was so completely unexpected and wonderful....but furthermore, it makes me aware of the fact that every part of my life is a testimony to God and His faithfulness. Every single tiny moment.

In Philippians, Paul writes: "Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel..." [Phil. 1:2-28] We are called, then, to live a life worthy of the Gospel of Christ. Of God Himself. That is a hugely daunting order, isn't it?! But Paul doesn't just say that we should live this way "while you're in church" or "when people are watching you" or "during work hours"; we are to act this way all the time. Our whole lives. Every moment of my life, every little thing I do, from the way I dress, the language I use, the words I write, the choices I make, the conversations I have, the music I listen to, and the way I treat others around me all reflect the values that are central to my life. And those values need to be Godly ones!!

Sometimes I forget that my faith can influence people outside of Sunday mornings or my circles of Christian friends. Sure, it's easy to see how having deep discussions in Sunday school or praying together with friends is meaningful....but I really had no idea that the things I do or the way I act outside of those situations meant anything to anyone. But God's been making me aware of it lately, and I wonder if it's His way of encouraging me to be more aware of what my actions are saying about me (for better and worse).

One of the reasons I've had this renewed interest in blogging is due to a recent conversation. A few days ago, a friend told me that "Yours is one of the only Christian blogs I read." I am so surprised and honored by this! (I am FLATTERED, dear!!) She may not agree with what I believe, and yet, she reads it anyway. In some way, I might be influencing her life...God is using me for a purpose! It's a pretty amazing feeling to think that God Himself is using me for some part of His plan!

So, morals of the story?
1. Even the tiniest, seemingly insignificant parts of our lives might be changing the world and affecting people.
2. Stoplights might serve a higher purpose after all.
3. Always leave the windows down. Who knows what opportunities you might miss otherwise? :)

Anyone have a piece of fleece?

I'm afraid to even look at the date of my last post. I'm sure it was years ago. Accept my full apologies!

A lot of what has been consuming me lately has been this big crazy college decision part of life. The scholarships. The interviews. The research. The thinking. The letters. The credits. The majors. The programs. The distance from home. The campuses. The admissions counselors. The professors. The students. The food (hey, it's an important factor). The costs. Etc.
It has been a MAJOR source of stress and pure terror for me over the last few months (years?) and yet, I can feel God teaching me things through this process.

One thing that's been sticking out at me lately has been, as a dear friend put it, "The Classic Christian Mistake".

I keep looking for factors that will make this decision easier for me, and one of those was financial aid. I prayed and prayed and prayed and found that my top two schools were basically the same in every respect -- I loved them both and they had so much to offer and both are great choices. And so I thought the only factor left was financial aid; I prayed that God would use scholarships and grants and such to point me in the right direction. And I waited. And I waited. And for a few weeks, it looked like even the monetary awards would be almost exactly the same, leaving me very undecided and unsure of what God was doing.

Then I got a letter in the mail from one school, and the scholarship money was significantly higher than I expected. Woo hoo, happy dance, life is good. This was a sign, I knew it; this was God pointing.
I was thrilled for all of about two hours.

Then the doubt set in.
"I should wait until I get the official statement from the other school. This really isn't a sign. This is just unexpected. What if this isn't really God? What if God hasn't really spoken yet, but I'm just trying to force everything to fit into MY own will instead of His? How do I know this is a sign? This can't be what answered prayers look like..." etc, etc.

The next day, knowing most of this, my friend talked to me about my big mistake. "You made the classic Christian mistake," she said of my doubt. "You prayed and prayed that God would speak to you about this decision through finances. And He did exactly as you asked. And then after you got that, you looked at God and wondered if it was enough." She's so very right; that's EXACTLY what I did!

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this conversation since. How often do we want God to just drop down a sign straight from Heaven to point us in the right direction? But even more interesting, how often does God DO this, but instead of following his sign, we second-guess it and doubt Him and ask for a billboard. THEN we'll be sure. And sometimes God has enough patience to drop us a fairly obvious billboard...and we have the gall to look at him and go, "Could ya just add some flashing lights to it? I'm not sure if this is the sign I need yet...I'm waiting for something more obvious...."

It reminds me of the story of Gideon, which you can also find in Judges 6-7. You gotta love Gideon. He's out in his field threshing wheat, and an ANGEL of the LORD appears.(First sign: There's an angel standing in front of me.) And Gideon says, "Whoa, baby. Are you really an angel? If you are, hang on just one second." Gideon goes inside to prepare an offering and the angel waits, just as he asks. (Second sign: Angel does as he asks and waits with heavenly patience). Then, Gideon comes back out and asks for ANOTHER sign. So the angel touches Gideon's altar offering with his staff and BOOM! instant flames. (Third sign) Ok. So, now, Gideon has an ethereal being standing in front of him who has just made fire appear out of nowhere....pretty obvious, eh? Gideon's still skeptical. He comes up with this elaborate test for God, involving fleece and dew and very specific instructions (Seriously? If this is not an illustration of how patient our God is, then I don't know WHAT is! Because if it was me...I'd be a little peeved at Gideon and I'd been ready to smite the guy.) And God, who has created the heavens and the earth and can do ANYTHING, has the patience and goodwill to accommodate Gideon's silly requests about putting dew on the fleece. (Fourth sign, anyone??) Gideon wakes up the next morning and goes, "Alright! You did exactly what I wanted, God! But...well, just one more thing...." and he goes and asks God for YET ANOTHER sign. And God STILL doesn't smite the guy, but gives him his sign, (Yep, we're up to five signs, now, in a few day's time, if I remember correctly) and thank goodness Gideon finally sees the light and realizes, DUH, this IS God.

And it's so easy for me (us) to roll our eyes at Gideon and wonder how he could possibly still doubt, even when God did exactly what he asked, over and over again.

And yet, here I am doing exactly the same thing.

Thank you, God, for your indescribable patience!

Letting my eyes

So...just when I was starting to think I had this whole where-should-I-go-to-college-in-the-fall thing figured out, WHAMO! God threw all this new information in to the mix and confused the daylights out of me.

An acceptance letter I wasn't expecting came, which, to any normal student, would be awesome. And it is! But I had just been getting ready to cross that school off my list and narrow down the options. I thought maybe this was God's way of letting me know that particular school wasn't where he wanted me. Now I'm not so sure anymore.

Similarly, a second school that I was getting ready to cross off of the list recently notified me that I *might* qualify for a full-tuition scholarship. Obviously, I would take a full-tuition scholarship as a pretty clear-cut sign from God that THAT is the school I should be at. Not what I expected at all -- suddenly this school is an option again. My list isn't getting narrowed down at all!

Shall we add another loop? My first choice school; the place I really, truly want to go? I was so close to getting a full-tuition scholarship THERE, and I just found out I didn't quite make it. Which disappointed me more than I thought I would.

So, in typical omniscient-Creator fashion, God has taken every plan I thought I had made and every factor I thought I count on, and turned them all upside down. He's giving me this huge chance to just throw up my hands and let him take control of this crazy journey....oh, but I'm having trouble relinquishing that control!

I'm feeling very confused right now, and wondering just what kind of path is God leading me on, anyhow?

And I found this email in my inbox:

"Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before
you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are
firm."

Proverbs 4:25-26, New International Version

Where are my eyes focused right now? Behind me. I've spent so much time lately worrying about what I did and didn't do in high school; was it enough, was it right, was it this or that. I've spent so much of this week worrying about scholarships and acceptances letters and all this other stuff. My eyes SHOULD be looking straight ahead; focused on God and watching where He's going.

Only I keep getting distracted. The things behind me and around me are all vying for my attention, and it's so hard for me to fix my gaze straight ahead!

I need to remember to "take only ways that are firm." In other words, to look for and follow the path that GOD is drawing me to; not the path that I want. Sure; I really want this first-choice school. I want it so badly that I can't even explain it. And until this week, I thought God wanted me there, too. But maybe all this topsy-turvyness in the land of college is God's way of showing me that my path isn't the strong one, the firm one, the one that will hold up against all the pitfalls and temptations around this world. My path isn't that path.

His is.

All I need to do is fix my gaze on Him and follow where he leads.

But oh, these distractions!!!!

Right where you are

11 Jan 2009
8:25pm
In Search of Truth


“The love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.”
~1 John 4:9


O truth-seeker
Why do you wander?
Searching for something
You’ll never find?
Inventing a goal
You think might be somewhere
Creating a path
And walking on blind?
Yesterday’s trends
Yield not the answer;
Tomorrow’s hypotheses
Won’t take you far.
You see, truth-seeker
That which you search for
Has long been discovered;
It’s right where you are.





God meets us where we are. It's so important to remember that God isn't some faraway, unreachable being, but rather a close, personal, intimate Savior who is right here, waiting for us. We don't need to look far to find Him, because He's already revealed Himself to us -- through Jesus, through the Bible, through every moment we live and breathe. So often we convince ourselves that we need to find God, that we need to find truth, that we need to find the purpose of our lives. The problem is that sometimes we get so caught up in our searches that we forget about God altogether! We don't need to go searching for the truth or the meaning of life because we've already found it -- it's here, in Christ! How comforting it is to know that God's already given me everything I need to know Him, to trust Him, and to grow closer to Him.
The world will tell us we don't have enough; that we need to go and find more, more, more. And yet, God has given us all that we need; what more could there possibly be to find?

Thought for the day:

"all which isn't singing is mere talking
and all talking's talking to oneself."

--e. e. cummings

Sing praises to God today! This might very well be the furthest thing from your mind as you struggle to make it through another gray Monday, but believe it or not, we are called to sing praises to God! Don't let your day be consumed by grumbling and "talking to oneself"; instead, make a conscious effort to sing and praise God for all your blessings.


"Sing to Him a new song; play skillfully and shout for joy!" Psalm 33:3

One Little Word

Megan from the amazing Bloom Blog published a really neat post earlier this week. She talked about a project, of sorts, that she's taking part in this year called One Little Word, and I love it! I'm going to participate, too.

I don't make New Year's Resolutions, because I think it's a totally meaningless tradition that most people just do because everyone else is doing it and they feel like they should, too (much like matching socks. These aforementioned reasons are precisely why I DON'T wear matching socks. Or shoes. Or gloves. You get the idea.). I mean, seriously? So many New Year's resolutions are very vague promises that people make and then forget about or give up on by the end of January. If you ask me, a resolution means nothing if it's just made as part of a tradition. There needs to be a true committment; an underlying passion for it to be successful. But that's an entirely different rant. :)

And yet, don't get me wrong; I certainly believe that there's always room for improvement in life! (Especially my life!) And I really like the idea of One Little Word: choosing one word to define you and the year 2009. I toyed around with a whole bunch of ideas before finally settling on one. (Did you all take notice of that? I, the Indecisive One, made a decision. YEAH! There should be thunderous applause coming from the audience right now!)

*drumroll*

My One Little Word of 2009 is genuine. My goal for this year is going to be to live my life as genuinely as possible. I think this word has particular relevance to my life lately because I've really be struggling with being genuine on so many different levels.

According to my dictionary, genuine has three definitions, and all three apply to my life and my goals right now.

1. authentic; real
I have a major tendency to try to please people, and a direct result of that is that I often try to act in a certain way to measure up to their expectations. My best friend recently confronted me about this and we talked about how, not only is the "acting" not necessary, but it's not true. It's not real. It's not genuine. Our discussion really made me aware of the many ways that I'm not being "real" in so many aspects of my life and I am determined to change that!

2. free from pretense, affectation, or hypocrisy; sincere
Sincerity has been a big focus of mine over the last few months, and I want to continue to make it an important part of life in 2009, too. I really believe that it's important to be honest with people and tell them how you feel. The two people in the world that I most enjoy talking to and being around are the two who I know will be brutally honest with me, no matter what. Whether this means confronting a friend about a touchy issue, asking how someone's day is going or saying "I love you", it all means nothing unless the intention is truly sincere. It drives me crazy when people ask me "How are you?" but clearly don't care about my answer!

3. descended from the original; pure in breed
When I read this, the first thing I thought of was one of my favorite passages from I John.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.
--1 John 3:1-2

I love this passage because it reminds me that I AM a child of God; that I was created by Him for a specific purpose. My life has meaning and value and even when I can't see what He's got planned for me, I can trust that He is leading my life and knows what's in store. Especially in this crazy year, when I'll be facing so many changes and new situations, these are thoughts I need to keep in the front of my mind. Part of being genuine, of being pure is remembering WHOSE I am. When I do that, all my doubts about self-worth and worries about the future disappear.


I've taken Megan's suggestion and posted pink post-it notes all over the place (my mirror, in the bathroom, on my computer, on the fridge, on the radio in the car, on the cat) to remind myself of this new goal. It's going to take a lot of work and a lot of God's help for me to truly implement this in my life this year, but hey, I'm determined!

I strongly encourage you guys to take on this challenge too; I'm quite curious to hear what your One Little Words are!

How God Is Like Ice Cream

Ok. Now bare (bear?) with me.

Today I had ice cream -- real, actual, honest-to-goodness ice cream, packed full of sugar and calories and a million other unhealthy and therefore positively scrumptious things -- for the first time in months. Perhaps longer.

It was, in a word, AMAZING!!!!

How was I surviving without ice cream, you might ask? The creation known as “frozen yogurt” (which is a strange name, really; it doesn’t taste anything LIKE yogurt. But whatever. The inappropriate nomenclature of desserts is an entirely different rant) Well, in my house, we eat “healthy”. Or at least, we try to. Which means that the only kind of ice cream we ever have is fat free, sugar free stuff..."frozen yogurt"...which is usually not...great; quite frankly. Yeah, it’s better then nothing. And at the time, it seems to hit the spot and quench your craving for that cold yumminess and it’s OK, really.

But it’s not great. It’s not the best. It’s not authentic. It’s not REAL.

And while you’re eating the fake stuff, you might almost be able to convince yourself that you like it. That it’s good enough. That it’s kind of like ice cream, really, just…not…
Frozen yogurt is a trap, you see. Eat only frozen yogurt for a long enough time and you'll find yourself thinking, "Huh...so maybe this isn't so bad." You might try to convince yourself, "This is good enough. I don't really need real ice cream anyway. Hmph.". You might start getting used to it; you might find yourself lowering your expectations and accepting something that's less then what you desire.

But in the end it leaves you feeling empty.
It doesn’t satisfy you.
It’s not what you crave; not what you desire.
It just doesn’t measure up.
No matter what you tell yourself, fat-free sugar-free frozen yogurt is nothing compared to true Hershey’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup ICE CREAM. There’s no comparison, really
And when you finally taste Hershey’s, you realize what you’ve been missing out on! You realize how much more there is to life! And you won’t ever want to go back.

So…go with this for a minute… there’s an awful lot of ‘gods’ out there. People “worship” and idolize celebrities, or money, or popularity or their own self-image. That’s the fat-free sugar-free frozen yogurt stuff. That’s the stuff that might seem nice at the time, but really, isn’t all that satisfying. That’s the stuff that you fill your life with because you THINK it’s good enough, but really, it’s not. It doesn’t fill you up.

God is the Hershey’s Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream. God is the real deal. In a world full of frozen yogurts that try to convince you that they’re just as good, God is the one who stands strong. God is the only one who can satisfy your heart’s desires and really “fill you up”. When everything else that you’ve invested your time and money into fails or falls short of your needs, only God will be there… true and real… and ready to supply everything you’ve ever needed; ready to give your life purpose and make you whole.

How sweet is that???

So...why settle for something that's fake? Why spend all that time trying to convince yourself that something's "right" when clearly, you crave more?
Wouldn't you rather have the best? Wouldn't you rather have the real deal??

Isaiah 55: 2-3 discusses this thought:

"Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. "

In essense, he's really saying, "Why are you wasting your time with things that clearly don't satisfy your heart's desires? You crave more in life; you crave meaning! Come to God and your SOUL WILL LIVE." (Note that Isaiah also tells us to "eat what is good".....maybe he's telling us to skip the fro yo and get some good ol' ice cream, huh?!)

Paul reminds us that God is the only one who can supply us with all that we need:

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

In other words, He'll fill us up the way nothing else can. No subsitutes. No almost-as-good.

The real thing.

"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. " -- John 17:3

Meetings and deadlines and schoolwork, oh my!

Ok. So...well...I know I've talked about this sort of thing before. But that was months ago. And it's important. And I'm taking a different viewpoint on the subject, this time. :)


Yesterday I spent, with the exception of about 35 minutes in which I came home, ate lunch, and changed -- 13 consecutive hours away from home; at church and meetings. Which was GREAT, and all; it was a FANTASTIC day. It was just...long. And pretty tiring.

It's another one of those weeks. *sigh*

I have fours papers due. I have a meeting or commitment every single night this week. Today was the deadline for a few magazines that I needed to submit writing to (goal for tomorrow). There are two contests I really want to enter that MUST BE POSTMARKED NO LATER THEN SATURDAY. My room is a mess -- even *I* can see that. I need to plan a Sunday School lesson for this week. I have a million school assignments that I need to catch up on. Plus, I'd really like to go running three -- or ideally, even four! -- times this week.....

And none of this is a bad thing, don't get me wrong!
But it is a tad bit...overwhelming...I'm feeling like every single second (literally) of my life for the next few weeks is completely scheduled away.


One thing I’ve struggled with for my entire life -- I know, I know, that sounds funny coming from a high schooler, but bare with me -- is “me” time. You know, taking time to think without overwhelming myself; to breathe without hyperventilating. It’s always been a concept that just completely eludes me -- I’m no good at relaxing. Never have been.

I took a class once, and one of the women in it told me her “story”. A middle age single mom working two jobs, raising two teenagers, taking care of an aging mother, etc, etc. Obviously, she was incredibly stressed out with everything she was dealing with. “It got to the point,” she told me, “that I was so miserable, so exhausted, that I didn’t want to get out of bed. People would ask me how I was and I didn’t know how to answer them. How was I? What was I feeling? I had no idea. I was losing myself to all those I held dear. It wasn’t that I didn’t love them, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to help them. I did -- I do -- more then anything. It was just that I couldn’t do it all. I couldn’t be everything to everyone forever.”
It took her years to come to this conclusion, she confessed, and once she finally realized it, she was able to come up with a solution. She decided that every Thursday night would be “her” time. Starting at 7pm, she’d turn off her phones, she wouldn’t check her email, she’d take time for her. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” she admitted. “And there are days when it’s still incredibly tempting to schedule things on 'my' Thursday nights. But ultimately, I’ve learned that I NEED that time in order to function. If I don’t take a few hours to recharge, to unwind, to do things for me, then I can’t possibly do anything for anyone else.”
And it’s hard!! It was hard, she said, at first, to explain to family and friends what she was doing. It was so hard to stick to her guns and keep Thursday nights free.
“It’s a commitment I have to make every single week,” she said. “And it’s still a challenge. But it’s worth it.”

Wow. I so admire her resolve! I admire her courage!
Because it is an INCREDIBLY hard thing to do, to make time for yourself; to take a minute or an hour or *gasp* a whole day to not work. Whether you’re a junior in high school trying to figure out what the heck you want to do with your life or a mom with three kids trying to go in 56 directions at once or going through a midlife crisis or whatever…wherever you are in your life, it’s hard. It’ll never get easier!

But the fact is…God doesn’t want us to spend our lives trying to cram every extracurricular activity, every volunteer opportunity, every extra-credit assignment, every committee meeting, every commitment in to our lives. He doesn’t want us to be so busy that we’re miserable; so weary -- whether physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually (or all of the above) -- that we can’t function.

Think about it logically. I’ve found out that hard way that I can’t do schoolwork when I’ve had a week’s worth of only-three-hours-of-sleep nights. It just doesn’t happen. I can’t perform to the best of my ability, and I truly believe that performing to the best of my ability is a way that I can bring glory to God.
You follow me so far?

Likewise, I can’t be an effective teacher at preschool if I’m consumed by stress or worry, because I can’t focus on what I need to.
I can’t take time to pray when I’m too busy to think my thoughts.
I can’t think my thoughts unless I take time to do so.

My fabulous youth leader made a suggestion tonight. Start with one hour, she suggested. One hour a week that you schedule into your life -- same as you’d schedule a meeting or a date or a study session -- and let it be yours. After all -- a week is 168 hours long. Surely you can afford to make ONE of those hours yours?

“Ok,” you might be thinking now. “So maybe I can handle that…but…what about when I feel guilty?
”Well, I deal with this all the time, too. I feel incredibly guilty taking time for “me”. I feel selfish-- "who am I to say that I’m more important? I could be changing the world right now. I should focus on THAT, not silly old ME…and think of all the things I could be doing right now,” I always argue with myself. “I could be studying for that Chemistry test or reading next week’s chapter for AP Psych or writing a letter to so-and-so or volunteering here or doing this or that or…” and that’s where you’ve got to realize that you don’t have to feel guilty about it!

Whoa. Foreign concept, I know. NO guilt? Really? I might be…allowed… to take a break? *gasp* To read a book that’s not required for school, to watch a totally pointless movie that makes me laugh, to sit down and call a friend just to say hi, to write a silly story, to play with my dog or go for a walk or do *biggest gasp yet*……nothing?!?!

Yup. That's what I'm saying :)

“Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts…” (2 Thes. 2:16-17).

God longs to comfort us when we are weak; to give us strength and hope and to renew and refresh our souls…but we have to allow Him. We’ve got to give God that space to come into our hearts. We’ve got to give ourselves the time to just be still.

One of my all time favorite Bible verses is Psalm 42:10: “Be still and know that I am God.”

It reminds me that I don’t have to be constantly moving in a million directions at once; obsessively working to glorify God. Sometimes all he wants me to do is be still…still…and just acknowledge his presence and his majesty. It’s then that I will find the strength, the knowledge, the peace, the courage, whatever I need, to keeping working for him.

Give yourself an hour this week to be still.

O Happy Days...!

I LOVE birthdays. Not my birthday, particularly; that's never been a huge deal to me. No, I love OTHER people's birthdays. I love secretly finding out when birthdays are. I love whispering other people's birthdays to their friends so we can surprise them on their special day. I love suprising them with cards and I love giving gifts and I love singing "Happy Birthday" and I just love the whole concept of birthdays. I love how everyone has one day...one day of their very own...to be celebrated.

Today is my very bestest friend in the whole world's birthday (Happy Birthday, dear!!!) and I am so happy about it!!! I have been counting down the days to her birthday for months now. She does EVERYTHING for EVERYONE ALL THE TIME, but on her birthday, at least, it's a chance for the whole world to do things for HER, and to let her know how special and wonderful she is and how much we love her and how happy we are to have her in our lives :)

But it got me thinking, too.... as wonderful as it is to celebrate someone especially on their birthday, and let them know how special they are, why can't we do that every day? Why only once a year? Birthdays don't come nearly often enough, you see....I would never survive if I had to wait a WHOLE ENTIRE YEAR to tell my friend how amazing she is and make her feel special again....I mean, after all, I try to do that every day!!!!!

Remembering someone's birthday shows that you care about them, but you can show you care on the other 364 days, too!

One neat thing I LOVE to do is surprise people on their HALF birthdays -- it's a fun way to let them know you're thinking about them when they least expect it. Send a card, give a little gift or just call them and sing "HAPPY HALF BIRTHDAY TO YOU....". You will be surprised how happy this makes both of you!

Even more fun is celebrating an UNbirthday -- celebrating someone you love on a totally random day. Not because it's their birthday (or half-birthday!); but simply because you love them :)

Look for ways to let someone know how very special they are to you today. Look for ways to encourage people today. Send them a card in the mail for no reason at all, bake some cookies to share, draw a picture, write a poem, give them a call or even just a big hug!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" -- Phillipians 4:4

"For this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!" -- Psalm 118:24

We can and SHOULD celebrate things that bring us joy and rejoice in our blessings EVERY DAY!!!!! And my friends are certainly some of the biggest blessings in my life :)

Failings of the Future

God sees the worst of you and loves you still. Your sins of tomorrow and failings of the future will not surprise Him -- He sees them now.
And He loves you still.

I was reading Max Lucado's "Hope: Pure and Simple" (I HIGHLY recommend this book!!! All of his books, really..!) and I stumbled across this tiny passage. The magnitude of the message and the incredible-ness of the implications made me stop and think. And re-read it. Here, read it again:

God sees the worst of you and loves you still.
Your sins of tomorrow and failings of the future will not surprise Him -- He sees them N O W.
And He loves you still.

Take a deep breath and just think about this passage for a moment or two.

Being in high school, I'm having a lot of experience right now with interviews and applications. Think about an interview you had or an application you filled out: Was it about your successes or your failures? Your achievements or your mistakes?
We live in a society obsessed with pride. Listing our successes and hiding our failures. Lifting up people for their accomplishments and laughing at those who make mistakes. We are obsessed with constantly trying to justify ourselves, our lives, our deeds and live up to -- or exceed -- the expectations of others to succeed. We have this bizarre need to tell the world of our accomplishments and hide our failures.

I mean, just look at it -- your education, your acceptance in to colleges relies on all the good things you've done.
From every angle, this world is telling us, "You must be successful!! You are a worthy person when you succeed!"

Look at sports "heroes". Are people thrilled with them when they lose a game? Do fans look up to and admire an athlete who has failed over and over again?
Usually not.
In a sad way, people's love of sports heroes depends on their success.

Colleges only want you if you are successful; if you have achievements to list and reasons to be considered worthy.

Who would want a failure? Who could love a failure?

The One who sees the worst of you and loves you still.

You see, God's message is so very different then the world's. God says, "I know you are going to fail. I love you anyway. Just come to me and I will welcome you back with loving arms."

You can run as far as you possibly can from God, and He will still be right there waiting for you, with open arms and a hopeful heart, waiting for you to turn around and accept His love. There is nothing you can possibly do that will end God's love for you.
You don't need an application or an interview in order to be God's child. God already knows every solitary thing about you -- every achievement...and every single failure too.

And He still loves you. He still wants you.
And that is the most amazing and confusing and comforting concept, all at once.

Can you believe that there is Someone out there who already knows every single thing about you? Who knows every single mistake you will ever make? Every cruel word you'll utter, every angry argument you'll have, every attempt at revenge, every sinful thought and deed, every possible failure...
and that, despite all this, He loves you still?

In a world where it sometimes feels like you're not good enough for anything, there is a God who says you are good enough for Him.

Ever heard the story of the Prodigal Son? It's found in Luke 15:11-32.(Or, you can watch the VeggieTales version, The Wizard of Ha's)

It's about a guy who thinks he knows better then his father. He gets fed up with the hardworking life of his family on the farm, has a bitter argument with his father, takes his inheiratance money, leaves the family farm and runs off to have the time of his life.
And for awhile, he does -- everything he could ever want or need is his. Gambling, reading magazines of questionable content, X-rated movies, smoking who knows what, buying expensive jewelry and clothes and for him, life is going well. He is living his dream -- freedom, luxury, and all the wine he can drink.
He thinks he's happy, even. Until he runs out of money.
He is suddenly left with no friends, no money, no house, no job, absolutely nothing.
His new "friends" disappeared along with his last penny.
He's afraid to go back to his father because he thinks that his failures will cost him his father's love.
He has failed too many times, you see. He messed up. He sinned. Over and over and over. And now he's feeling unlovable, unworthy.
Eventually, the son realizes that there is no where else to turn. He decides to go back "home" and beg his father to take him on as a farm hand. He feels that his father could never forgive him for all his mistakes and accept him as a son -- but maybe he can get hired, and at least begin a life; something better then wandering the streets stealing food from pig's troughs.
So he begins the long journey home -- hungry, weary, dirty. Feeling more like a failure with every step. His thoughts are consumed with all of his failures and all his stupidity -- why? What ever made me think that was the right thing to do? And did I get so far away? Why didn't I realize how bad it was? And how could I have failed so much?
Hopelessness abounds.
Days later, he rounds the final bend, and can see his father's farm in the distance. Standing in the road is one lone figure. As he gets closer, he realizes it is his father. He stops for a moment, paralyzed by fear and shame. Any courage he had for facing up to his mistakes is rapidly diminishing.
But his stomach is growling, he hasn't eaten for days and he is exhausted from his journey. He forces himself to take one step closer. And then another. And then another.
He sees his father's eyes grow wide in shock.
What will he do to me? He must hate me. He has every right. I turned against him, wasted so much of his money and now, have the audacity to return?
Unable to look at his father, he looks down at the dirt road instead. Then, he hears his fathers voice, but he is unable to make out the words. He hears approaching footsteps; they start out hesitantly at first, and then grow faster and more impatient.
What will he do? What will he do?
He looks up, and sees his father sprinting toward him with the most unbelievable expression on his face.
Not hate. Not disappointment. Not anger. Not even annoyance.
It's joy.
Utterly baffled, he freezes in his tracks, but his father finally gets to him and throws his arms around him and says,
"My son."
"I'm sorry..." He begins, but the speech he'd been rehearsing flies out of his head, and instead he is left stuttering, "But...but...Dad...I...I...messed up! You should hate me!"
"Oh, no, my son, I don't hate you. You were dead to me, but now you are alive! You were lost, but now you've been found! You have been returned to me. I love you."
And they embraced.

Pretty unbelievable, huh?
Now what if I told you that THAT father is Our Father?

We fail. We repent. He forgives. He hugs.

He knows our every failure -- past, present and future -- and he will love us still.
No applications. No interviews. No list of achievements.
We don't have to win the game or be the best to be God's -- we just have to accept Him.



(For some contemporary thoughts and examples of the Prodigal Son story, see the lyrics to Casting Crown's "Prodigal" and BarlowGirl's "She Walked Away" -- two incredible songs!)

Staples: A Microcosm of Divine Intention

(Many thanks to James and Marcus for their cunning and brilliance in thinking up the title of this post)

(Click here to learn the definition of "microcosm"!)

So, last night I got to go to one of my favorite stores in the entire UNIVERSE...Staples. The world's greatest and most awesomely named office supply store. Unlike most of my peers, who would rather shop for clothes or shoes or purses or silly, trivial things like that :), I am much more at home among the aisles of pens and papers and boxes and post-its and of course, Sharpies.

I love the smell of Staples...it's like the lovely old-bookish smell of a library mixed in with the smell of ink and new sneakers and... potential. The place is full of potential, I tell you!

It's a writer's dream come true.

Rows and rows of blank tablets and notebooks just waiting to be filled words and thoughts and stories... a million pens and pencils and markers and highlighters practically wiggling with anticipation...comfy dest chairs and fun-shaped post-it notes and sparkly stickers and and and...*sighs dreamily* oh, I absolutely adore it!!

I could spend hours just wandering through the aisles..in fact, that's what I did last night...just thinking and planning. I really love the whole feeling of Staples -- like I said, potential. Imagination. Creativity. Newness. Readiness.

All those little writing utensils and rolls of tape and boxes of staples and computers are all there, just ready and waiting..anticipating the moment when they will be lifted off the shelf and taken home to their new family and....!!! (Ok...this is starting to sound an awful lot like the Corduroy books I was reading at preschool today....!!)...anyway, the point is, they are ready and waiting to be used; to serve, if you will.

But they're not doing anyone much good by just sitting on that shelf, looking pretty and clean and new, are they? In fact, they can't live out their true purpose...to write, to type, to tape, to draw, to staple, to stick, etc -- if they just sit on the shelf and wait. By themselves, they are nothing...I mean, yeah. They look fun and nice. And everyone can imagine their potential. But to really do anything worthwhile....

They need a Creator - someone who knows their purpose and how to best use them all together produce the most desirable result; who will use them to make something amazing.

See where I'm going with this? Imagine yourself as something in the Staples store. I myself would probably be a lime green mini Sharpie, simply because I'm bold and obnoxious and hard to get rid off once I make my mark :)....but the point is, whether you're a stapler or a roll of duct tape or a desk chair or a bulletin board or some bubble wrap -- you can't do anything by yourself. You need to submit to a Creator -- One who knows all about you; how you work, where your skills are and how to help you do what you do best. You need to allow the Creator to use you in His plan -- and by doing so, you will contribute to the beauty of the whole project; to CREATE with you.

Aren't we blessed to have the most Amazing Creator? He knows exactly what our individual gifts and talents are. He knows how to "use" us so that we can all do something different -- stapling, gluing, stickering, etc -- to achieve one grand, incredible result.

We just have to let Him use us -- and the results will be magnificent.

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. --Isaiah 40:28

..And we know that all things work together for good; for those who love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. --Romans 8:28

Yeah, so, this was kind of a corny post...
Maybe life isn't really like a pencil...But do you get the point? (hee hee)
Even if you're not like a roll of duct tape, maybe this idea will still stick (haha)...

Shades of Gray

When I was younger, I had this idea that there were three kinds of adults in the world: good adults, okay/average adults, and bad adults. The characteristics of each group were quite cut-and-dry:

--Good adults were people I looked up to. People who went to church, said please and thank you, had good values, smiled a lot, knew how to laugh, and didn't treat me like a baby.
--Okay/average adults were either adults that didn't strike me as obviously good or overtly bad, or adults I hadn't really been exposed to. I considered the majority of the world to be made up of "okay/average adults".
--Bad adults were, quite simply, crime committers. Thieves, abusers, murderers; the list went on...but Bad Adults, in my mind, made bad choices and that was that. I didn't want anything to do with Bad Adults.

My worldview also included the idea that all good adults -- all the people I looked up to, respected and admired -- liked each other. Since they were, after all, all "good", they would (for the most part) always agree with each other and feel the same way about most issues. I wasn't blind to the fact that there would be occasional disagreements, but always assumed that these people I admired so much would handle it in a civilized way and always reach a mutually pleasing compromise. Life was simple.

Looking back at my apparent naiveté makes a lot of people (including myself) laugh now. But it's true -- things were so simple back then. To me, the good people were all very good. I more or less believed that in every situation there was a good and a bad choice; the good people always made the good choice, the bad people made the bad ones.

These shades-of-gray opinions never existed when I was younger. My world was very clearly black and white; the shades of gray didn't start to develop until later. (And now, sometimes I feel like my world is entirely gray!)

And here's one thing that really stinks about growing up -- you find that black and white are totally gone, and in their place a million shades of gray. You find that people aren't who you expected them to be. They're not at all what you thought. You find that the people you most looked up to aren't the greatest role models after all. You find that nobody's perfect, superheroes don't exist, and your best friend is capable of breaking your heart.

And these are all hard things to deal with. Think about the time when you first came to a realization like this. The first time you were truly let down by someone you thought was perfect....it's hard to accept. It ruins your trust in that person and the whole world, even, because if you can't trust them...you really can't trust anyone.

Good people can make bad choices. Bad people can make good choices. So what are we left with? Well, there's really only one explanation for it all -- we're all sinners.

It's tempting to convince ourselves that "good" people and "bad" people exist, and that some people are "worse" then others, while some are just plain "better". We all do it -- we hear about murderers and decide, whether consciously or not, that our measly little sins -- say, spreading some rumors or going over the speed limit -- aren't nearly as bad.

In fact, in our minds, sin itself almost begins to take on various shades of gray -- we categorize our sins according to our own personal motives, values, and justifications. The darkest shades of gray are reserved for the worst crimes -- terrorists and child molesters and so forth. Then there's the lightest hues, like "white lies" or purposefully ignoring responsibilities, that don't seem nearly as bad.

But the fact is, while shades of gray might exist in our own minds, they don't exist with God. His views, unlike ours, are quite black-and-white. He can easily distinguish between right and wrong, and there is no middle ground.
With God, there is either sin (black) or there isn't (white). With God, you are either a sinner (us) or you're not (Jesus).

"For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." -- James 2:10

This means that all sins are bad -- equally bad. Every sin out there, no matter how harmless it seems to us, is still a sin; and that sin still seperates us from our Holy, perfect God. That means that every sinner out there (every single person!) is equally bad, and equally seperated from God.

This becomes a scary thought for us, though! Suddenly our pride takes a hit....

What?? We're now in the same group as all those bad guys? All the terrible, guilty parties? We are like them??

Yes.

And God loves us?!?!

Yes.

And so...by the transitive property of God's love....well, just look: We know that the terrible people in the world are sinners. We know taht WE are sinners, just like them. We know that God loves us. So the only logical conclusion is that God loves the terrible people in the world, just like He loves us.

That's not to say that He approves of or is proud of bad choices, not at all! But He loves people who make bad choices regardless. There is not one person on earth who is "too far gone" for God. No matter what evil or heinous act you have committed, He still loves you and wants you to be His child. He is ready with grace and forgiveness; ready to welcome you back...but you've got to admit your sin and let God take control.

We are not perfect. We will ALL mess up!! We will make bad choices -- and God will love us anyway. He'll forgive us -- again -- and let us start over. He doesn't love us because we are "good" people -- He loves us because we are His people.

There's one fact of life I CAN accept -- no shades of gray involved :)

The Universe Unfolds

My awesome Pastor sent me the most amazing prayer yesterday, called "Go Placidly Amid the Noise..." . I love it. (I guarantee that more posts about or inspired by this prayer will follow!) It's from the archives of the new World Prayers site. There are so many great, profound, and contemplative lines in it! I highly recommend you all read it...

But today I'd like to draw your attention to two lines in particular:

"And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

Now, I don't know about all of you, but I like to know what is going on. I'm a busybody -- I'm nosy and curious and I like to konw exactly what's happening, what's going to happen, when, why, how...etc, etc. If plans are made, I want to know what they are!! I'm not one to be kept waiting, and I don't like just waiting and watching and seeing what will happen. I'd much rather know ahead of time, because I like to know what to expect and try to plan ahead!

And I think, even if you are the most laid back person on all the earth, at some point in time and to some degree, everyone feels the same way. I think it must be part of human nature; this unsuppressable need to know everything that's going on and know what's happening.

We desperately want to know the future. Think about it -- why else would psychics, Ouija boards, and fortune cookies be so popular? We are a society that is obsessed with knowing what the future holds and what our role is in it!

Why is that? Why is it that we can't seem to sit still and wait it out?

Is it a trust issue? Maybe it's hard for us to trust God and believe that His plan is the right plan. I know it's hard for me! There are times when I really struggle with that. I get so caught up in my OWN plans and ideas about the future that I forget to trust God. It's hard to put total faith in God's plan and trust completely that it will work out the way we want...because we so desperately want to believe that WE know best.

And that's where pride comes in.
One of my favorite lines is from a song called "On My Own", it says:

"I have learned that pride comes before the fall."

It's so true. We all too often allow our selfish human pride to get in the way of so much! Think about it: If we weren't so consumed by our pride, we would be able to realize that God DOES know best -- and we DON'T! (Sorry...this is starting to sound like the In Control?? post!)

Listen to what the Bible says on this very topic:

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." -- Jeremiah 29:11

God knows what He's doing. He already knows what's going to happen in our lives. And by following Him, He will give us a future with hope.

"A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." --Proverbs 16:9

And this brings us right back to the idea of our plans vs. God's plans. Imperfection vs. perfection. Ignorance vs. omniscience.... you get the idea.

That doesn't mean it's easy, though! Following God's plan often means forsaking your own plans. And at the time, that can seem the like the scariest, stupidest, most painful, most awful thing to do. And yet, God promises,

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way should go; I will guide you with My eye." --Psalm 32:8

We won't always know where are lives are heading...in fact, we very rarely will. We won't know what God has planned for us, or what He has in store for us. But regardless, we DO know that it will be thoughts of "hope". We know that God's plan for us WILL be the best way.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." --Proverbs 3:5


For more on this subject, I invite you to check out God's Plan for Your Life, which is a great site (written in easily-readable conversation style) that explores how the 1o Commandments help us figure out God's plan for our lives.

Things Left Unsaid

I seem to be in a song lyrics phase lately...

I have realized that there are some incredible songs out there. Songs that make you cry, laugh, think, wonder, wish, roll your eyes and everything in between...songs that evoke every possible emotion and maybe even a few feelings you didn't know you had...and it just boggles my mind.
I love music. I love listening to the radio. But it never ceases to amaze me how incredible a song can be. The music and the melody are, of course, important and fantastic parts of the song. There are some songs I like simply because I like the way they sound.

However, most of my favorite songs are because of the lyrics...powerful lyrics. I wish I could write songs like that!! I marvel at the way that some people can take words and weave them around and create a masterpiece that leads the listener on a journey; leads them through memories or thoughts or ideas or...it's amazing. And in so few words, too, songwriters can create a world of their own or an emotion or tell a story!

I heard one such song on the radio on my way home from work today. I can't seem to stop thinking about it!
Here are the lyrics:

"Things Left Unsaid", by Disciple

It's just a matter of time a few days ago
I saw you, you were fine
Remembering what you said
About the book you read
The one I got you
The Beginning of the End
Oh how we'd talk
For hours upon end
What I would give
Just to do it again
But you're lying there
In this hospital bed
Won't you open your eyes
And let's talk once again

(CHORUS)
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I love you
I hope that you can hear me
I hope that you can feel me
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I'm sorry
That I never told you
When we were face to face

Well I've been here all night
And I'm watching you
Breathe in and breathe out
Is it really you
Or just a machine
That's giving you life
And it's making it seem
That there could be hope
I could say to your face
If it weren't for you
That there would be no grace
That's covered my life
You took the time
To speak into my mind
And my heart
Words of life

(Chorus)

So goodbye for now
But I'll see you again
Some way, somehow
When it's my time to go
to the other side
I'll hold you again
And melt at your smile
Now all I have
Are the ones that I'm with
And you taught me not
To take for granted
The time that we have
To show that we care
Speak into their minds
And their hearts
While they're here
And say I love you

(Chorus)

I don't know how you can hear this song...or even just read the lyrics...and not be moved to tears. This song so powerfully puts into words that tricky feeling of regret. You can feel the longing and the pain and the sadness emanating from the song...it gives me goosebumps!

Haven't we all felt this way? I'm sure at some point -- probably, if you're like me, many times -- in our lives we've all felt an overwhelming sense of regret, or as though we're too late. We've wished we'd done something or said something while we had the time. We've all put things off, thinking we had forever, only to be cruelly informed that that was our last chance -- and we wasted it. We've all taken things for granted and later regretted it.

Going back to the song "Things Left Unsaid"...we can learn a few things from it.

First of all, we can learn to seize the opportunities we have and not waste a day, a moment, a chance, an opportunity...because we may never get another like it. At a camp I attended last summer, I took a class about this very topic. Since then, I've been very intentional about telling people that I love them, giving hugs, giving compliments, and letting friends know that I truly enjoy them and treasure them. What if it's my last chance? Would they know what I think about them, how I feel about them?

But, even more important then this -- realize that death is NOT the end!! Take note of a very important line in that song: "So goodbye for now, But I'll see you again". It's easy to get so caught up in our pain and regret that we feel like the end has arrived. But it's vital to remember that death is NOT the end, that our goodbyes are only temporary!

Jesus triumphed over death for our sake. Because of Him, death is no longer the enemy. Death is not the end of anything; simply the beginning of our eternal life. Does that mean our life here on earth doesn't matter? No -- exactly the opposite! We as Christians need to tell the world of this good news -- that death is NOT the end, that Jesus DID die for US and for our salvation, so that we can live forever with Him in Heaven.

In fact, we are commanded to do this very thing:

"He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned." -- Mark 16:15-16

And we need to do it NOW, and at every given opportunity -- before it's too late.

In Control??

As you've all probably noticed, I like to put quotes in my lovely little sidebar over on the right ------>
I look for quotes about dreams, leadership, nonconformity...things that inspire me, things that, I think, say a lot about who I am and what I value. So I was checking out some quotes tonight, and I was looking at a section about leadership and taking responsibility. In my reading, I came across a poem by William Ernest Henley, which ends with these lines:

I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

Now, I've read a lot of poems. But I don't think I've ever read two lines that scared me more then these did. Why? Just think about it for a minute...

First of all, I need to note here that I believe we are all sinners...but let me pause right here. A sinner is someone who commits something wrong; in other words, someone who is guilty of wrong thoughts, actions, or words. I believe that we can try as hard as we possibly can and still, we will sin. Every day. And there's no way around that -- but that's where God's grace and forgiveness comes in (but that's another topic for another post...) Now, I know some you that are reading this probably don't agree with that statement -- the we are all sinners by nature, no matter how hard we try.

Well, then I have to ask you flat out: Are you perfect? (Please be totally honest. You're not allowed to say, "Yes, except when..." or "Most of the time". It's all-or-nothing -- a yes or no question.) If you answered "yes", congratulations -- you are THE first perfect human being to EVER exist! Give yourself a pat on the back! But if you answered "no", keep reading...

The fact of the matter is, whether we care to admit it or not, we have ALL sinned (and continue to sin!)-- over and over and over again! And, whether we like it or not, there is NOTHING we can do about this. We can resolve to do better. We can try harder next time. But we will NEVER EVER EVER achieve perfection (I know. I have a really hard time accepting this too). Despite all the best efforts in the world, we will still succomb to temptation, make mistakes, and take the wrong path.

Are you start to get depressed? I am!! But I promise, there's a point...

Well, are you beginning to see why I find those two seemingly harmless lines of poetry so scary? Here, read them again:

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Now, if "I" is an imperfect, sinning human being, and "I" is also the master of his fate and the captain of his soul...well, you see the problem.

We can't possibly make the right choice all the time...or even most of the time! There's no conceiveable way that we, as humans (and therefore, sinners) can always know what is best, always choose the right path, always make the right decision, and always turn away from temptation. Therefore, if WE are controlling are fates and souls, and WE make mistakes...!

"For all have sinnned and fall short of the glory of God" -- Romans 3:23

Your soul is forever. I don't know about you, but "forever" is not something that I want to make a mistake on!

And, when you think about it...if we are mastering and captaining (I'm not sure if those are words, but go with it) our soul, our fate...that's a HUGE amount of responsibility!!! I don't know about you all, but I get nervous when I have the responsibility of, say, taking care of class pets (frogs) for a weekend or walking my neighbor's dogs... and that's only for a few hours or days, at most. This is for FOREVER...for ETERNITY...for longer then we can possibly fathom!!

So here is my point: if we as sinners (imperfect, mistake-making humans) consider ourselves to be in control of our souls, where is that going to lead us? Quite frankly, we are going to run ourselves into a wall. Do you honestly and truly trust yourself to control where you will spend eternity? That's quite a risk. Do you honestly believe that you know enough about how to live, what choices to make and what's best for you and the rest of the world to take on that ENORMOUS responsibility???

Well, I can tell you right now -- I DON'T! I know for a fact that I can't handle that. I don't want to. I don't even want to think about controlling my soul or being the master of my fate -- YIKES!!

Thank goodness for us -- there is another option!!

Put quite simply: There is God. God is omniscient. He knows EVERYTHING, and even better, He has a plan for you and me and the rest of the galaxy. He's willing to take the blame for our sins -- in fact, He already has. He's willing to take us as we are -- the sinning, whining, imperfect beings we are. He's willing to take on the entire responsibility of directing our lives, mastering our fates and yes, our souls too. He's willing to lift that heavy burden of the responsibility of eternity from our shoulders and take the entire thing -- if only we'll let Him.

Why is it that we fight God on this? I can't figure it out. This is something I've been thinking about alot lately. Why do I, when I know quite well that I DO NOT know everyhing (sometimes I wonder if I know anything, actually....) and yet from time to time, I get these rebellious flare-ups and I try to insist that I know better then God. Me...that I know better then the One who created the universe and everything in it, including me...ha! And after times like these, I can imagine God sitting up in Heaven, sighing and shaking His head and laughing at my appalling and crazy behavior...It really must be pretty funny, watching us humans try to control our lives and our destinys, but really just making a huge mess of things in the process!

I know I'm sounding redundant here, but this is an important point...I think it warrants repetition :)

In the end, is it worth it? No. Sure, it's fun for a short time; me pretending I'm in control and that I really have a clue what I'm doing...but I always end up learning my lesson and rededicating my life God. I always come to the same conclusion -- that I'm just plain incapable of handling my life. So why even try? It makes much more sense to dedicate it to the One who made me and gave me my life then for me to go about ruining it out of pride and stubbornness...!

It all boils down to this: God knows what He's doing, and we, being the sinners that we are, cannot be trusted with the control of our souls. We can try to wrench control away from God, but it will always get us in trouble. So we need to simply relinquish that control -- which can be the hardest thing in the world to do, especially if you're a control freak like me -- and accept that He is God and He knows what He's doing and where He's taking us.

And it's amazing how simple life becomes after that. It is truly amazing how relieving it is to know that you DON'T have this massive, eternal burden -- that you just have to listen and follow and trust. :)

Words and Meanings

Happy Birthday, C. S. Lewis!!

Today, (November 29, 2007) one of my favorite authors would have been 109! In celebration of his birthday, I googled some C.S. Lewis quotes. Here's one of my favorites:

"Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say "infinitely" when you mean "very"; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite."

I love this quote because it applies directly to me :) I am forever using humongous, gargantuan words in place of teeny tiny normal (and rather dull, I must admit) ones, because I, being the crazy homeschooler that I am, loooove vocabulary :) However, Mr. Lewis is entirely right. But really, this whole phenomenon of stripping words of their true value is something that really bothers me. When we use strong words in situations when we don't really need them, their meaning becomes less and less intense. And slowly, throughout time, we begin to get desensitized to the true meaning of some amazing words.

Take love, for example. We have so over used love that it has lost so much of its meaning. "I LOVE chocolate!" or "Have you watched American Idol this week?! I love that show!" are exclamations we hear all that time. But what does "love" mean? Well, that could be a rather long, off-topic post, so let's check dictionary.com:

Love (v): to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for someone

So, as much as you might enjoy, savor or appreciate chocolate, or your favorite TV show, chances are, you probably don't feel "profoundly tender, passionate affection" for either of these things. (If you do, well, then you really need to get out more!!)

Love is a powerful thing. Love is what, more then anything else, characterizes our relationship with God. Through love for us, He sent His Son. Through love for us, Jesus took our place and died. Through love, we are forgiven -- over and over again. Through love, we have a place in heaven -- a place we do not and can not ever deserve. We cannot afford to lose the meaning of love, because it defines so much of what we believe in. Never forget John 3:16:

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, so that we may not perish, but have eternal life.

That's a pretty powerful love, if you ask me!! Something far more powerful then that which could descibe chocolate or TV :)

Now, please know that I'm not saying you should strike the word love from your vocabularly in order to preserve its meaning. All I ask is that you really consider what love means. We can see love whenever we look at God; we can learn about love whenever we read the Bible; we can experience love through our relationships with Him. Bear all this in mind -- because this is the true meaning of love.

With that being said, just remember to think about the meaning of the words you're using.

So, once again, Happy Birthday C. S. Lewis!

And, just a thought: even if you've all read "The Chronicles of Narnia", I highly recommend you read the series...or at least, the first two books...again. They just get better every time! Also, The Screwtape Letters is one of my all time favorite books -- a must-read!

"We're busy, busy, frightfully busy..."

Well...Thanksgiving is over! The long weekends, holiday breaks, and vacations are over, and life is starting up again at top speed! Suddenly, my days of staying up late, sleeping in, reading cozily for hours and ignoring my to-do list are over, and have now been replaced by deadlines, school projects, committments, work and volunteering, chores, resposibilities, etc, etc, etc... And, I'm thrilled, frankly! I get too bored when things are slow and relaxing; I much prefer the crazy hubbub of my life. I like to be busy busy busy; indeed, I THRIVE on being busy!!

However, there is, as much as I hate to admit it, such a thing as being *gasp* TOO busy. Can you believe that??? But we live in a society that encourages busy-ness, packed schedules, full calendars, and running a million miles a minute in order to do everything. Sometimes, when this is the message we're receiving from every single angle, it's hard to hear God's voice through it all:

"As long as it is day, we must do the work of Him who sent me." -- John 9:4a

My best friend said it perfectly: "Our society loves over-achievers. Nobody goes around saying, "hey! I didn't do a single thing yesterday. Isn't that great?" But everyone will tell you they can drive down the road while talking on the cell phone and making a grocery list at the same time... it's an addiction. You start to thrive on chaos and rushing and you begin to need to fill every second with three things or you are "not doing enough." There is a poster I have from a long time ago with two cardinals sitting on a snowy tree branch in a snow storm. Underneath it says, "What is life if, full of care, we have no time to sit and stare?" And it's true. God didn't make all of these amazing things so we could fly right by them with no time to appreciate them."

This goes back to what I said about snow, but it's worth repeating. God created this amazing world, and He gave us copious time to appreciate it and marvel at it.

"This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!" -- Psalm 118:24

So why do we insist on filling that time with things that can't -- and won't -- make us truly happy? How can we praise God for all He's given us if we don't even notice all the blessings we have?

Look at the song "Spending Time" by Stellar Kart:

Just so happens that my schedule is empty
But still there's no room for You
The time has come and gone
Things have come along that take me away from you

Don't take this the wrong way
You're so perfect
And everything tells me
You're so worth it

Spending time with You
Not a moment goes by that You're not by my side
Spending time with You
You're all that I want life is so hard to do

When we first met I remember
I'd do anything for You
But as the years go by
I let my attentions slide
And I'm pulling away from You

Don't take this the wrong way
You're so perfect
And everything tells me
You're so worth it

Spending time with You
Not a moment goes by that You're not by my side
Spending time with You
You're all that I want life is so hard to do

And, as if the act alone of filling up our time, to the point where there's no room for God, wasn't damaging enough to our relationship with Him....the things themselves that we busy ourselves with can bring us EVEN FURTHER from God.

My all-time favorite music group, Casting Crowns, also sums it up well in their song "American Dream":

All work no play may have made Jack a dull boy
But all work no God has left Jack with a lost soul
But he's moving on full steam
He's chasing the American dream
And he's gonna give his family the finer things

Not this time son, I've no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow we'll have time to play
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away

So He works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better;
Better in time
And he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands

His American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day
"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh Baby, please don't work late."
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away

Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things will get better
It'll just take a little more time
So he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands

He used to say, "Whoever dies with the most toys wins"
But if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end?
I'll take a shack on the rock
Over a castle in the sand

Now he works all day and cries alone at night
It's not getting any better
Looks like he's running out of time
Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands

All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You

When the world is telling us to "Go, go, go", to "Do it all and work hard and fill your time with everything", we need to take a moment and thing about what we're filling our time with. And our motives. What are our goals? Why do we do the things we do? What are we gaining out of all of our busy-ness?

I deal with this every single day in my own life. Do I really need to do that research project right now? Or is it more important for me to spend some time in prayer? My friend just called and she really needs to talk -- do I listen, or cut the conversation short so I can go finish my monsterous to-do list? I have other committments on Sunday morning -- but, in the long run, are they more important then going to church?

And more importantly -- are all the things we are filling out time with bringing us closer to God, or taking us farther away from Him? We've got to look at our priorities -- are we furthering God's kingdom with all that we do? Or are we putting it on hold?
It's OK to be busy. Just make sure you're busy for the right reasons, doing the right things.

One final song, and I promise, it's short :) look at this song from VeggieTales. It's aptly named, the "Busy, Busy Song":

I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy
You've no idea what I have to do.
Busy, busy, shockingly busy
Much, much too busy for you.

We're busy, busy, dreadfully busy
You've no idea what we have to do.
Busy, busy, shockingly busy
Much, much too busy for you.

'Cause we're busy, busy, frightfully busy
More than a bumblebee, more than an ant.
Busy, busy, horribly busy
We'd love to help, but we can't!

Is this the message that we want to be sending to the world?!?! I don't think so! Make room in your schedule for God today. Spend some time in prayer, read a passage from the Bible, or just listen to what He's telling you. You'll find that all those things you thought you had to do suddenly become less important, when you realize what is truly important.

This Generation

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young,
but set an example for the believers
in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
--1 Timothy 4:12

This is one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE Bible verses EVER!!

This world is, whether we like to admit it or not, fond of the saying, "Children should be seen and not heard". (We're not allowed to vote, for one thing....) And, there are so many people out there who have told me that "someday" I'll make a difference. That I'll be someone extraordinary...when I grow up. That I have "bright future ahead" of me.

Well, I'm an incredibly impatient person. I don't want to wait until "someday" or "when I grow up" or "the future" to make a difference -- I want to do so NOW!! And that's where this Bible verse comes in. Paul isn't echoing the age old seen-at-not-heard attitude towards kids and teens. He's challenging it. He's saying, "Don't wait! You can live for God NOW!" Paul is, in affect, saying that we as teens are an important part of society; capable of great things, and that we shouldn't have to wait until we get older!

And Paul is absolutely right. We don't have to wait until we're 21 or 35 or 47 or however old we think we have to be to truly make a difference. We can start making a difference RIGHT NOW! We can write letters to congresspeople, make speeches, protest what we don't believe in, raise funds, go on mission trips; the possibilities are endless!

So...why wait??? We are capable of changing this world right now, just as we are. We can show the world that we as teens know what we're doing. We can live for God, spread His Word, and be living proof of what we believe in. "Set an example for the believers..."...That is Paul calling us to lead by example. We can set an example for everyone of every age by heeding His call and following His direction in our lives. God will use you; have no doubt about that -- He just needs to know You're ready and willing.

I was recently talking to an older woman at our church. She was telling me that "my generation is just messing everything up. It's going to be YOUR generation that comes in and saves this world from all the evil." Well, sure...that would be nice. But if we stand up and start being leaders RIGHT NOW, maybe by the time we inherit the earth, there won't be any evil left to save the world from. It's worth a try.

In our Sunday School class last week, my amazing youth leader posed the question: "Does your church treat the youth as though they are the leaders of tomorrow...or the leaders of today?" It was a great question, and it applies to all areas of life. Do you see yourself as a "leader of tomorrow" or a "leader of today"?

Are you ready to change the world? God's ready for you -- just tell Him, and listen to where He leads you!

Happy **** Birthday???

I walked into CVS today with a mission -- I had three birthday cards to buy, for friends’ upcoming birthdays. I made a beeline for the colossal aisle dedicated to cards, and was happy to find that a significant portion of it was dedicated solely to birthday cards. I figured with all these choices, I could easily find “the perfect card”. (Now, I don’t particularly LIKE birthday-card-shopping, because I can never find, in my opinion, “the perfect card”. But like I said -- there were SO MANY choices here!)

Hours later (OK, not quite, but you get the point), I still had nothing. But you would be amazed at some of the things I found. Apparently, birthday cards NOT containing curse words are in the minority. It’s awful! Now, call me naïve, but I’ve always assumed that cursing is something we should AVOID, not sanction by using profanity in birthday cards! Have we, as a society, become so used to and therefore immune to the effects of cursing that we don’t even notice the fact that foul language has permeated nearly every part of our lives? TV shows and commercials use cursing all the time. Even many PG movies contain a curse word or two; I’ve even stumbled across a few G movies that have questionable language!! Books, music, talk show hosts, websites; every form of media possible -- and now, even in birthday cards. It finally got to the point where I‘d found a card that said, “Happy **** 13th Birthday”. Did you see that? 13th birthday -- this card wasn’t even geared toward adults! At that point, I’d had enough and I left the store.

I wish I could say that maybe it’s just this particular store; that not all birthday cards are that bad, but the truth is, this is the fourth store I’ve been in that is packed with inappropriate cards. Personally, I find it absolutely revolting.

“…bless and do not curse.” -- Romans 12:14

I absolutely, positively CAN NOT STAND profanity. And there are so many reasons why…I think that use of curse words makes you look like you are an uneducated individual who is unable to come up with a more fitting and appropriate word to describe whatever situation you’re currently in. I think in some cases, cursing is just a bad habit (in which case -- break the habit!!). But, I also think cursing is often used simply as a way to “fit in”. Whether we intend to or not, our society sends the message that using curse words makes you special, important, even “cool”. We need to do our best to fight that image, and declare to the world the profanity is simply unacceptable.

The first step in doing this is obvious: Don’t allow yourself to indulge in the temptation to use curse words. But this alone is not enough. Edmund Burke once said, “All that is require for evil to triumph is for a good man to stand by and do nothing”. Are you standing by and doing nothing? Or are you ready to stand up for what you believe in? You must also make it clear to your friends that you will not listen to inappropriate language.

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” --Romans 12:21

Don’t kid yourself, and pretend that cursing isn’t that big of a deal, or that God doesn’t really mind, or that if you only do it once in a while, it doesn’t matter. The fact is: it matters. God states it pretty clearly in Leviticus: “Do not misuse my name. I am the LORD your God, and I will punish anyone who misuses my name.”

There are so many GOOD things we can do with our speech -- God didn’t give it to us so we can curse! God clearly states what he expects of us in Ephesians:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.” --Ephesians 4:29; 5:4

I never did find those original three birthday cards, but that's OK -- God had a plan there, too. I ended up calling each of my friends to really wish them a Happy Birthday, and the resulting conversations were wonderful!!

Speaking of birthdays, today happens to be my brother's birthday....Happy Birthday, J! Love ya!

Lessons from Littlest

My cat, Littlest, is pretty creative. She sleeps with me most nights, and finds a new way to wake me up each morning. Now, you'd think I'd be thrilled to have such a cute, sweet, fuzzy, cuddly, creative personal alarm clock, right? Theoretically, I would. Except that she doesn't wake me up when I want to be awoken...she wakes me up whenever she feels I should feed her her breakfast, which can be anytime after 3am. One night, she accomplished this by knocking over my guitar case...the resulting CRASH was enough to wake me up, even in the total darkness which only comes at, well, 3am! Another night she sat at my (closed) bedroom door, meowing, repeatedly, waiting for me to open the door. Had it been a little later...or a little bit lighter...I might have opened the door a lot sooner. As it was, it was about 4:30, and I was rather slow getting out of bed. Then there was the first morning she slept with me, when I awoke to her hissing at her reflection in my mirror...Today she let me sleep in until almost 6am, which was nice! But today's method of waking involved her attacking my toes...clawing, pouncing, chewing....ouch. I'm going to have THOSE scars for awhile...She can be sweet, though, when she wants to be. One day she woke me up by licking my nose!

But honestly, the thing I really love about Littlest is that she is so happy and excited about EVERYTHING! She loves to play, and it's so great to watch her apparent joy and excitement when she plays...even when she plays with the same toys, over and over, she's still totally thrilled. The exact same ball of red yarn...she plays with it every day, sometimes for hours at a time! Or something as simple as a little ping-pong ball...she loves batting it around and chasing after it. Littlest doesn't need brand new, exciting toys to play with to make her happy -- she is completely content with what she's got. She doesn't lose interest in things after a day or so; instead, every morning she wakes up and plays with her toys with the same enthusiasm as the day before. I guess you could even say she's thankful for what she's got!

Littlest teaches us an excellent lesson about materialism. Especially around this time of year, we as a society are consumed with the need to make wishlists -- I want this, I want that, more more more more more more!!!!!! Every store does their very best to convince you you just can't live without this item...same with TV commericials -- "Think how easy your life will be if you just buy this product!" We've become people obsessed with owning things and stuff and gadgets and gizmos, because we are, in a sense, convinced that will make us happy. Does it?

Did you ever get exactly what you wanted for Christmas, that one thing that you knew you just had to have? Sure, it was probably exciting for a day or two; maybe a little longer. But was that it? Did that one thing make you so happy that you were totally content with your life, or did you still want more, more more, bigger and better things, etc, etc, etc? Years later, did that original item, the one you thought would mean the world to you, still make you happy?

Check out what the Bible says about materialism:
"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness." -- 1 Tim. 6:6-11

Nothing destroys the attitude of thankfulness like materialism. If we are always consumed by a need for more, how can we be grateful for what we've got? Indeed, by convincing ourselves that we need this new item or that new toy, it's almost like saying that everything we have already isn't good enough.

A ping-pong ball and a ball of red yarn -- Littlest is, in her own way, thankful for these two simple toys. They make her happy; they bring her joy, over and over again! She doesn't need new, improved, special, amazing toys -- she's thrilled with what she's got.

So, as we all celebrate Thankgiving this year, just keep in mind all the little things to be thankful for. Sure, we're all grateful for our family and friends and food and our houses, and that's important, obviously! But find little things to be grateful for, too -- clean socks, tissues, an umbrella when it's pouring down rain....

And as we go into Christmas, keep it up -- keep looking for the little things to be thankful for. If we can find joy in the little things that we've already got, we won't be consumed by the need for more. If we're content with what we already have, we won't ruin the Christmas season with materialism and "stuff". And when you're not obsessed with getting, it really frees up your mind to concentrate on what Christmas is really about -- Jesus. The ultimate gift of love. Now THERE'S something that can make you truly happy!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!