Letting my eyes

So...just when I was starting to think I had this whole where-should-I-go-to-college-in-the-fall thing figured out, WHAMO! God threw all this new information in to the mix and confused the daylights out of me.

An acceptance letter I wasn't expecting came, which, to any normal student, would be awesome. And it is! But I had just been getting ready to cross that school off my list and narrow down the options. I thought maybe this was God's way of letting me know that particular school wasn't where he wanted me. Now I'm not so sure anymore.

Similarly, a second school that I was getting ready to cross off of the list recently notified me that I *might* qualify for a full-tuition scholarship. Obviously, I would take a full-tuition scholarship as a pretty clear-cut sign from God that THAT is the school I should be at. Not what I expected at all -- suddenly this school is an option again. My list isn't getting narrowed down at all!

Shall we add another loop? My first choice school; the place I really, truly want to go? I was so close to getting a full-tuition scholarship THERE, and I just found out I didn't quite make it. Which disappointed me more than I thought I would.

So, in typical omniscient-Creator fashion, God has taken every plan I thought I had made and every factor I thought I count on, and turned them all upside down. He's giving me this huge chance to just throw up my hands and let him take control of this crazy journey....oh, but I'm having trouble relinquishing that control!

I'm feeling very confused right now, and wondering just what kind of path is God leading me on, anyhow?

And I found this email in my inbox:

"Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before
you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are
firm."

Proverbs 4:25-26, New International Version

Where are my eyes focused right now? Behind me. I've spent so much time lately worrying about what I did and didn't do in high school; was it enough, was it right, was it this or that. I've spent so much of this week worrying about scholarships and acceptances letters and all this other stuff. My eyes SHOULD be looking straight ahead; focused on God and watching where He's going.

Only I keep getting distracted. The things behind me and around me are all vying for my attention, and it's so hard for me to fix my gaze straight ahead!

I need to remember to "take only ways that are firm." In other words, to look for and follow the path that GOD is drawing me to; not the path that I want. Sure; I really want this first-choice school. I want it so badly that I can't even explain it. And until this week, I thought God wanted me there, too. But maybe all this topsy-turvyness in the land of college is God's way of showing me that my path isn't the strong one, the firm one, the one that will hold up against all the pitfalls and temptations around this world. My path isn't that path.

His is.

All I need to do is fix my gaze on Him and follow where he leads.

But oh, these distractions!!!!